Hey, did you hear Michael Jackson died? No shit. I’m not making this up. Good thing the good Reverend Jesse is involved now. Phew! Through it all, the NHL managed to press on and hold their draft in Montreal Friday night. Naturally, I watched the whole thing.

The Islanders had the first pick and took John Tavares. Not a huge shock. Victor Hedman went second, and Matt Duchense 3rd. These first three picks are fairly predictable. From there on, it was anyone’s guess. This draft seemed to not be very deep, with a giant “but.” As in, they say he has an attitude problem, BUT if he gets that squared away, he could be a real steal. The announcers must have said, “how did he slip this far?” at least 10 times. For me it was a fascinating 4 hours of television, highlighted by Brian Burke wearing a wire on the floor. For MOL it was glare inducing, and shoulder shrugging fun.

The beloved Boston Bruins, who were booed loudly by the Montreal assholes, er, fans in attendance much to the delight of GM Peter Chiarelli selected Jordan Caron from Rimouski of the QMJHL. This I feel is a good pick, as the young man (sorry, way too much Pierre McGuire) is 6’2”, and plays a Boston Bruins style of play. Pierre compared his game to Cameron Michael, saying “He’s not as good, but plays the same style.” I like it. It shows they are truly committed to bringing the style of play back to Boston. Oh, and as an aside, it sort of works for them. Boston crashed and banged their way to the top of the Eastern Conference last season, and adding another young kid that can play the same style will only help. Nice pick by the Bruins brain trust. Now we wait and see if Kessel gets dealt before July 1.

Congratulations to Boston’s Manny Fernandez, Tim Thomas, Zdeno Chara and coach Claude Julien for bringing home the hardware at the NHL Awards in Las Vegas Thursday night. Of course I would have traded any of the awards given for one giant cup, as I’m sure they would have too, but there’s always next year. The exchange between Timmy and Manny was quite hilarious when they were given their Jennings Trophy. How quickly we forget that Manny was playing so well at one point during this season it looked like Timmy was headed to the pine. Then Manny’s back betrayed him, and it looked like he couldn’t stop a beach ball. Anyway, after being introduced by Reggie Lemelin and Andy Moog, a formidable Boston goaltending tandem in their own right, Timmy did most of the talking. After thanking his wife, Manny started to move in to talk when Timmy said, “Manny, you want me to thank your wife too?” If you saw it you know how hilarious it was. Just the look on both their faces, and the fact the crowd erupted in laughter. Unintentional comedy of the highest order.

Speaking of unintentional comedy, does it get any funnier than San Jose’s Jeremy Roenick introducing Chaka Khan’s second song by saying she was one of his “favorites?” I was laughing so hard it took me about a minute longer than it should have to realize Chaka Khan was singing a second song dressed in what appeared to be the curtains from her suite upstairs, and so off key Milan and Miller were contemplating attacking the television. Leave it to the NHL, with their reputation as a second rate niche league, to get a second rate singer for an event that could be something cool. Next year they should go all MTV awards, and try something outrageous, but the players would never go for it. Maybe just try to get someone a little more relevant? I’m sure Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam is free.

It’s been killing me to have to write something positive about the New Jersey Devils, but here goes. The Devils have resigned one of my favorite tough guys, Pierre-Luc Letourneau-LeBlond. PL3 as he’s known to his friends was one of the only reasons to watch the perennially dreadful Lowell Devils last season. He and Matthew Corrente appeared to be the only ones willing to drop the mitts, with PL3 taking on some serious customers. I’ve seen him get his blocked knocked off by Brad Staubitz, and I’ve seen him hang in real nicely with another up and coming tough guy in Matt Clackson. Overall his play has improved steadily from a guy that could barely skate, to a guy that can skate a regular shift, and contribute along the wall. But, it will be his pugilistic ability that will land him in Jersey, and if it wasn’t for an injury last season, he may have stayed up all year. I would expect him to at least start the season in the NHL (barring any more enforcer signings by the Devils) and possibly stick for the whole year.

Aside from his play on the ice, PL3 is a super nice guy. He dresses like Brantt Mhyers took him shopping and always has a minute to stop and chat. Resigning him has me teetering on the “go back to Lowell” side after being wavering all year on if I wanted to subject myself to anymore self inflicted torture known as Lowell Devils hockey. I haven’t told MOL yet, so if I show up on anyone’s doorstep tonight, please have a heart and let me in!

For me, the hockey season ended a month or so ago when the Bruins were defeated. For the rest of the hockey world, it ended Friday night when Pittsburgh beat Detroit in a very exciting game 7. Much like the rest of the hockey world, I had counted the Penguins out after they went down 2-0 to Detroit, but they showed the heart of a champion, rallied around a cause, and got it done Friday night. I guess I am happy for them, I mean it’s better than Detroit winning, but my mood can best be described as apathetic.

I had made a decision not to watch the finals after games 1 and 2 because every time I tuned in, Detroit started beating Pittsburgh like a rented goalie. That coupled with the fact that there was a possibility Hal Gill could be raising the holiest of Holy Grails, and I would rather mow the lawn, or play with Milan and Killer than watch hockey anymore. The match up didn’t interest me, as I couldn’t shake the feeling that Boston should have been there.

So, I didn’t watch much of the finals, but I did watch a very exciting game 7. Max Talbot’s second tally was a beauty. Sure the only way Osgood could have been more out of position was if he fell down, but Talbot still picked the top corner. Oh, and did anyone notice the holding penalty Gill took? Vintage Gill. I think it’s from page 2 of the Play Like Gill handbook. You know it well Boston fans. Go to corner after opponent. Realize you are flat footed and about to get burned. Pin guy against boards, and pray referee isn’t looking. Skate to box with stupid look on face when referee is in fact looking right at you, and knows the penalty is coming because he’s seen you play before. I can save NHL refs a lot of time. If there is a man in the corner with a puck, and Gill is on the ice, just blow the whistle. Even if he doesn’t actually hold anyone. It’s only a matter of time. Call it, intent to hold. MA Fleury made up for game 5 in a huge way there with about a tick and a half as well robbing Nicky Lidstrom from depositing what would have been the tying goal into a yawning net. What a save.

Congratulations to the Penguins. They battled adversity all year, and it paid off. Now we have to sit through a long stupid summer in which I might actually have to watch baseball. Shudder the thought. Is it September yet?

The Red Wings are going to win the Stanley Cup, and the NHL fucked up the instigator rule one more time, but I am not going to get into that. OK, for a second I will. Why does the rule book only apply to certain players? In other sports, if someone broke the rules, let’s say in football for holding. An offensive lineman commits a holding penalty at the end of a game. Let’s say the guy holds people all the time, so he gets called. Now let’s say it’s the guy’s first holding call ever. Would he still be flagged for it? Damn right. Again, the rule reads if a fight in instigated in the last 5 minutes of a game, the player is suspended and the player and coach are fined. If the league isn’t going to call it correctly, get rid of the rule. While we are at it, get rid of the instigator rule altogether. Seems like a much better idea. But the NHL is going to be stricter about actually calling the instigator. Bullshit.

Ok, I got that out of me. TKO supplied me with the best news I’ve received in a long time today. Boston has re-signed David Krejci for 3 years. Excellent. 3.5, 3.75, and 4 million for the next 3 years for this budding superstar is a bargain. What the Bruins are getting is a two way center that can slow the game down at will, and was at times the best Bruin on the ice this season. Well done by the front office on this one. It makes me wish September was here. Stupid Hurricanes….

Congratulations to the winner of the 93rd Indianapolis 500, not the IRS, but Helio Castroneves! This year’s race featured a one beer race day by The Hammer, the greatest “pooping in the infield at the 500” story EVER, one of the wildest crashes I have ever seen, and much more silliness that make Memorial Day in Indianapolis so special every year. I am already looking forward to the 94th running next year. Thanks again Steve. You made a grave error in judgment inviting Hammer in 1988, but if you keep having us, we’ll keep coming!

So in between the poop stories (POW! Out go the lights!) and the mega tenderloin sandwich I got race day, we did what we always do at Indy. We watched hockey. Hands up for who thought I was going to say drink. Anyway, there we are at the end of the Hurricanes loss to the Penguins the other night, when Ryan “Closet Tough Guy” Bayda sets off a fight late in the game. It all starts with a high elbow and a cross check to the head of the Penguins’ Kris Letang. Bayda received a match penalty, and a $2500.00 fine.

There was a car load of guys next to us on the way into the race on Sunday that may or may not have had a few in them. We were stopped at a light waiting our turn to go, which is kind of the norm when 300,000 people are trying to get to the same spot, at the same time. These nitwits decide to start saying, “This is bullshit” loud enough so Indy’s finest could hear them at least 30 times. It was pretty funny because they had an accent that made them sound dumb as dirt anyway, and them saying, “Man, this is bullshit” over and over did not help them in the IQ department. You had to be there, but trust me, they were dumb. So dumb in fact, they got the bright idea to honk at the cop directing traffic! Yes. That dumb. The beep was met with the cop spinning around and giving them a glare that could have burned the whole car up, and he stared them down as he walked over there to make sure they knew he knew they had honked, and were indeed, the dumbest people on earth.

Why am I telling you this? Because I think it may have been Colin Campbell and Gary Bettman in the car. Had to have been right? I mean, how does another player in the playoffs get assessed a MATCH PENALTY FOR A HIT TO THE HEAD, and NOT get suspended? I was teetering on my trust in player safety being a priority for the NHL before, but now, I have no faith in what the league has to say. The league had another chance to send a message the other night, and again with the hit on Marty Havlat (debatable if it was legal. Looked like Kronwall left his feet, and Havlat didn’t have the puck when he was hit, or ever actually have possession of the puck. Having said that, keep your head up) but once again passed on handing out a suspension for a hit to the head because they were too busy sitting in traffic telling Indy Metro PD their traffic directing was less than par. If I am off base on this, please, let me know, but I got to be honest. I am thinking this is bullshit.

I am over it. I really am. In truth, I was over it before Scott Walker’s shot even hit the back of the net. Am I happy the Bruins are out, squandering their best chance in years to win a Stanley Cup? Not at all, but I’m not over here smashing stuff or anything. Everyone I have encountered has been coming up and saying, “Man, I thought you’d still be in bed”, or some variation thereof. They are quite surprised when I say “it’s just a hockey game.”

I really mean it too. Three things would have changed the outcome of Game 7.

1. You can’t go 0-4 at home on the PP in a 7th Game and expect to win.

2. You can’t lose every faceoff in the attacking zone in OT of a 7th Game, and expect to win.

3. If they played better in games 2, 3, 4 they aren’t even in the situation they were in, and I’m debating if I go to Indy right now, or stay home to go to Game 2 tonight.

Alas, none of those things happened, and they lost, and I am over it.

Did someone say Indy? If I may switch gears for a minute. The Hammer is picking me up in about 3 hours, and we are off to Indianapolis for the 93rd running of the Indianapolis 500. It’s my 13th in a row, and I think Hammer has to be over 20 by now. There will be lots of lacrosse, steak, golf, and general good times. This Memorial Day Weekend, please take time to think about the men and women in uniform all over this world, and the sacrifices they make every day, so we can be free. I can’t thank them enough. Have a great week everyone, and Go Blackhawks!

A direct quote by Milan Lucic, from the Hockey News who named him this year’s winner of the John Ferguson Award given to the NHL’s toughest player.

“I had to let him get his gloves off, and I caught him clean.”

What he is speaking of is the one punch he gave Mike Komisarek in game 4. Komisarek asked him to go; Milan appeared to ask if he was sure about his decision. When Komisarek decided he was sure he wanted to get knocked the fuck out, they fought. That’s how those types of things go. Scott Walker sucker punched Aaron Ward and he will pay for it next October. As Forrest once said, “that’s all I have to say about that.”

Drubbing is the word I would use to describe game 6. Boston is a better hockey team, and it really showed from the goal out last night. Tim Thomas was outstanding, Lucic had a fantastic game as well, and the defensemen looked excellent. Tomorrow night will not be the funeral parlor entrance we received in game 5, but one of rowdy Bruins fans looking to cheer on the boys to a game 7 triumph. I am giddy at the thought. One game closer to lifting Lord Stanley and I can’t wait.

It is well documented, that I am not a bright man. Ask anyone. They’ll say, “Good guy. Not bright though.” Well, they might just say the not bright part. Point being, I am very confused as to why Scott Walker lowers the boom on Aaron Ward last night, and gets a $2500.00 fine. No suspension, just a fine. He got an instigator penalty in the last 5 minutes of the game, and Ward wasn’t even assessed a fighting major, and the man got a fine. I am really confused by this. I think the league really dropped the ball here and can no longer be taken seriously when speaking of curbing fighting in the game. This may be the only bright spot of this whole thing. The GM’s speak of wanting to get tougher on calling the instigator, and punishing people for fighting. Last night was a classic example on the traditional NHL double standard. Their argument about curbing fighting carries even less weight with me than it did before, I am just kind of bummed out Wardo had to get his face caved in to make my point. Like I said, I’m not bright, but I talked to a lot of people today that are way smarter than me, and they were confused too…leads me to believe it’s not just me.

As for the game last night. Walking into the Garden was like walking into a wake. There was a sense of doom and gloom in the building. That all changed as soon as Milan Lucic tried to put Dennis Seidenberg into the third row. It was the catalyst for the whole game, and was exactly the kind of play that got Boston to where they were in the first friggin place. Where the physical game went after the Montreal series I have no idea, but it would appear it is back. If they play like that tomorrow, they have a chance. If I were Carolina, I might not want to push the envelope too much with these guys. If you poke an angry bear, you will get bitten. A lesson learned by the 4-0 thumping they took last night.

I am not panicked about this series. Carolina does not scare me, and the Bruins are way better. They will win this series, and the next one, and the next one. I’m fired up for tomorrow night. I feel like a not so bright bear that’s been poked.

Please, do not panic! I will let you know when it is time to panic. For now, remain calm!