I sold a couple of Tees tonight. One to Kara, and another to Michelle. We may have our first contestant in the Goonblog Thong Contest. Or perhaps a restraining order. Michelle agreed to pose in her new small with her best thong. Stay tuned boys!

I watched the Bruins slaughter eating Buffalo wings, no coincidence, at the Texas BBQ in Northborough. Not a lot to say abut the game really. The Bruins suck. Alberts is a tough fucking customer though eh? If you are in the Northborough area, swing by and say hi to Dave, and Don. They’ll set you right up. I am watching the late games waiting for MOL to return from the germ factory. I owe her from last night, so stay tuned.

Ever since I asked MOL to marry me, she has pretty much had control of my notebook. Planning this, and looking up that in preparation for our wedding in September. Well, while watching the beloved Bruins get killed again, I challenged her for the notebook. We sized each other up in the living room. She started in hard with some overhand rights. I countered with some quick jabs, as I tried to get my footing. As I got a fist of Jersey, we both got square and really started throwing them. I would say we both threw and landed 15 punches each. I mean, think Peat/Stock part III. Finally we got tired, and she gave me the notebook. I call it a draw. We’ll go again. For those of you reading this in horror. I asked nicely. She gave it to me. Let’s get to the point shall we?

The State of the NHL. It looks pretty bleak to me right now. The TV deal is terrible. Case in point. The ratings for this year’s All Star Game were down 76% from ’04. No one knew it was on first of all, and if they did want to watch it, they may or may not get the channel. The new Jerseys next season are going to alienate an already pissed off fan base. I read the Hockey News. Good thing I read it in the shitter, as a lot of it makes me want to poop myself. In fact, I have renamed it the “You’ve got to be Shitting me Times.” Two issues get a lot of ink in the YGTBSMT.

Goals are down almost two goals from last season. Listen, I don’t want to see a 6-5 shootout every night. I like a hard fought game. The boys have figured out how to play in the new rules, and coaches have learned to coach in the new rules. It wouldn’t be a bad thing if there were more up and down hard hitting 2-1 games out there. You know, Old Time Hockey. YGTBSMT says there is a correlation between the drop in attendance, and the 1.6 less goals per game than last year. I don’t see it that way. Look, the honeymoon is over. People came back in droves last year because they missed the game. I think they are staying away in droves this year because the new NHL as it turns out isn’t all that interesting. People would rather have the ability to switch channels during a 7-6 parade to the penalty box new NHL game as opposed to paying a hundo for a decent seat, $25.00 to park, and whatever else to eat and drink.

The other issue in the NHL the YGTBSMT is the rise in head shots, and hard checks in open ice. So, let me get this straight. Guys aren’t allowed to hold anyone up coming out of the zone anymore, and there is virtually no hitting along the boards in the No Hitting League. So when guys get a head of steam coming out with their heads down, or looking back for a pass they get creamed by hard hitting defensemen there is an outcry against this sort of behavior? This is a violent game played by violent men correct? What did they think was going to happen when they took the physical slow up style out? Guys getting creamed never learned to play with their heads up. Ask Eric Lindros. He never had to learn to play with his head up because he was always so much bigger than everyone else. The kids playing now have played the North American style for a long time. To change to a more European style with the speed and less stick fouls is a big adjustment to a lot of these guys. I think the big hitters in the league like Dion Phaneuf should be allowed to play their game as much as the next guy. Hey, keep your head up.

Something needs to be done about Gary Bettman. This guy is systematically ruining the greatest game on Earth. Look around the NHL, AHL, ECHL and any other hockey league in the world. Who is always the fan favorite? That’s right, the goons, thugs, and enforcers. PJ Stock is a God in Boston, and he hasn’t played here in 4 years for Christ’s sake. I understand the guys that draw the advertising dollars are the “skilled” players, but by forcing fighting and rough hockey out of the game, he is inadvertently forcing out some of the games most popular players with the people that really count: The Fans. Hockey fans, these are very dark times. Hopefully we look on these times as a bump in the road on hockey’s return to a once very proud game, and not the beginning of the end of a game appeared destined for obliteration.

The nervous energy I have is comparable to getting the call from the Big Club finally telling you to pack your bags and leave the AHL for good as I have been called upon to join the ranks of the GoonSquad. Who am I? Why am I here? No, I’m not that donkey (James Bond Stockdale) Ross Perot asked to be his VP back in the 1992 Presidential race. I’ve been a fan of hockey for over 30 years. Played with and against guys who have been in the show, are in the show (not many of them left these days) and plenty that would give their left nut just for one shift. I still chase the dream every Monday night and you know what? I fuckin love this game even if Gary Bettman has ruined it with his piss poor leadership and decision making abilities. I’ll save that rant for another day….more about me.

I am married with 2 boys; we’ll call them my Million Dollar babies. The oldest already has a pretty mean slapshot. I need to make friends with the local glass company as I see many a broken window in my future. I wonder when my Million Dollar babies grow up if they will get more ink in the sports pages or the police blotters. MBH thinks we are going for # 3 but little does she know I have an appointment with Dr. Snip Snip and this kids days of slipping one by the goalie are over, unless Hannu “Top Shelf” Toivonen is the goalie because we all know anybody can score on him.

I’m not loaded like Chris and can’t afford the NHL Package so my exposure to the game is via B’s telecasts or the occasional national tilt on come on say it with me…VERSUS. Who the fuck was the jackass who came up with that name? Can you imagine the suits sitting around a table looking each other in the eyes and saying yeah that name works, I really like it, let’s go with it. I miss the days of ESPN covering the league but I guess beggars can’t be choosers since post lock-out the ratings have been brutal.

Enough about me….Let’s hope the second half of the season has a few more throw downs we can talk about.

Our very own lovely, talented and mouth-watering GoonBlog Girl wanted her own MySpace page. Who were we to say no? Especially after we already got her a pony, a car and her own phone line. Be gentle with her guys - any inappropriate activity and we’ll skate over and fuckin’ tune ya.

Recorded January 19th 2007 in the North End of Boston MA, the third podcast in the series features discussion about Sidney Crosby, the Washington Capitols, MySpace, our brand new hockey tshirts, a deluge of silly audio clips thrown in for funny measure, and our homie - little Philly Kessel.

This is some funny stuff, people. It’s a little on the long side, but we had a 2 month lull to cover. My audio editing abilities are creeping towards “a little better”, and you have to stay with us the full 23 minutes just to hear all the fart sounds and SlapShot quotes. If you’re on the market for a ridiculous hockey podcast, check us out.

I had given up. I’m not kidding. I wasn’t watching my Center Ice Package. I was barely paying attention to the Bruins, and I had most assuredly given up on my beloved Lowell Devils. Look at the posts I have made over the last couple months. Aside from me announcing my engagement, trying to sell T-shirts (buy some fucking shirts by the way), and giving detailed recaps of how sick I’ve been and my slight drinking problem, there has been little posts about hockey fights, or fighters.

It wasn’t a conscious decision. I really wish I had more to say. In fact, a lot has happened enforcer wise. George Parros was waived and picked up. Todd Fedoruk got his faced caved in. Brashear has been active. Those are just a few things that have happened. You see, I just didn’t have the heart. The two teams I follow the most, The Boston Bruins, and Lowell Devils, seemed to be very happy playing within the confines of the new rules. Boston has virtually no one that can do any fighting, and the Devils seemed to be the same old same old Lowell hockey club. They were once again a team that had capable guys on their roster, but no one seemed willing to drop em.

The Lowell theory goes back to the Ron “Thou shall not fight, you’re a fucking joke” Smith days. For years they loved to get pushed around even though they had guys capable of sticking up for themselves and teammates sitting on the bench. Even when Tom Rowe took over behind the bench and vowed they wouldn’t get pushed around, they did. Look at guys they had on their roster in Rowe’s tenure as head coach.

Brantt Myhres: 687 PIMS in 154 NHL Games. Only 77 in 29 injury plagued games in Lowell. He told me flat out he wanted to fight.

Sean Curry: Possibly the biggest pussy in the whole league.

Stephen Peat: Played 3 games. Has a mysterious leg injury.

Cody McLeod: Undersized for the role he was asked to play.

Mitch Love: Showed tons of promise before he was hurt last year.

Gordie Dwyer: One of the greatest guys I have ever met. Seemed totally unwilling to be that guy in the A.

The point I am trying to make, is I was done. I could not care less what the Devils of Lowell did. As such, I didn’t even notice when Cam Janssen was reassigned to Lowell from New Jersey. Two years ago, I would have been foaming at the mouth. Oh, I noticed when he was assigned for conditioning of his shoulder and he didn’t fight. I hoped his lack of physical play was not Gordie Dwyer Syndrome. I.e. I don’t want to fight because it’s just the “A”. When Janssen was sent back down after the holiday, I didn’t even notice. So when he had 3 fights in two games over the weekend, I was excited.

I really don’t think Cam is going to suffer from Gordie Dwyer Syndrome, or GDS. He had a spirited fight with Riley Cote Friday that featured the longest square off in history. I think he was the winner. He got jumped by Lowell PD’s favorite player, Martin Grenier, in what could be called a draw, and lost to Worcester’s Jonathan Tremblay yesterday. The point is, Janssen seems to really relish his role and has no signs of GDS. Cam has renewed my interest in gooning, and thuggery, and I thank him for it. So, Mr. Janssen, if you keep it up, I will keep the faith. You have the chance to become the most beloved Lowell player since Trevor Gillies. If there is a pill or a lotion you need to apply to avoid GDS, I will supply it. Hopefully all you need is the cheers of the fans, and a few cold ones after the game. Hey, I can supply that as well!

I am watching today’s Bruins third period collapse a new man. MOL and I have been rivals since Junior. I owe her one, and she owes me a couple. We have gone toe to toe countless times over the years. Win some lose some I guess. With all that history in mind, I have decided to draft her first overall. She’s got wheels, reach, size and strength. It makes sense for the club. So, MOL will soon be known as Mrs. MOL. Do you think a Slap Shot themed wedding would be a little over the top?

After watching the first period of the Bruins at the downfall of my office, or as it is formally known the new 99 they built at the top of the street. Put it this way, they have been open a month and I already know all the bartenders by name and was even invited to a Christmas party by one. Drinking problem? Yeah, whatever. Anyhow, I watched the first and came home to a lovely ham prepared by MOL before she went to the germ factory. So, I’m eating my ham and enjoying a Woodford Reserve on the rocks and checking e-mail. The first one I came across was from a group called Road Hockey Rumble. These guys have a show debuting on OLN tomorrow night, and judging by the trailer, it looks not only hilarious, but right up any Goonblog reader’s alley.

I loved road hockey as a kid. We would play for hours on end. Our neighborhood was KISS, and the guys a few streets were Queen. Nets were made of wood and chicken wire, and equipment was old hand me down stuff that had worn out on the ice. KISS always had better goalie equipment as my father was the equipment manager for the local youth program. As such, we had a ton of goaltender equipment to use for our epic battles. I was always the goaltender. I imagined myself as Tom Barrasso playing in the old Aud. Why? Well, considering he played for our arch rival Acton Boxboro, played for the dreaded Sabres at the time, and was a general asshole by all accounts. I really am not sure. I was always Barrasshole and the older kids could never score on me. I was always the youngest, and it drove them crazy they couldn’t beat me.

I think because I was a Vezina winning road hockey goalie, and because I was so much younger than the other kids, there would always be fights. The guys would get frustrated because they couldn’t beat the kid, and would eventually take a hack at me. The rest of the guys on my team, particularly my brother, would take exception to the extra curricular activity on their young goalie, and there would be a fight. They would always break down into line brawls, goalies included. I could hold my own when the fights started, but they would always escalate when the guys on my side would see someone tangling with me. Again, maybe it was because I was younger and littler, or maybe it was because there is an innate need for hockey players to protect their goalie. Whatever the reason, the fights would always bubble way over when I was involved.

Those road hockey games was where my love of the game really grew. I learned many a valuable lesson out there on the hard scrabble streets of West Concord. In the old days in the street, and the old days on the ice, it can be summed up best by one quote. “Hockey ain’t hockey without a dukking match.”

Early January tends to bring out the remorse in people. “I’m going to quit drinking so much on Tuesdays. I’m going to start going to the gym to exercise, and not just have a wank in the locker room. I’m going to let my wife leave the house to vote”. But the repentance and apologetic nature of the new year is usually short lived, no matter how shameless the previous one might have been.

It’s January 4th, and I have just returned from the new Boston Massacre at the BankNorth Garden where the Leafs smote the Bruins 10-2. It was a great, even game for the first half a period - and I remember thinking how lucky it was that my uninitiated lady friend was getting to attend such a great contest as her first. But then it all skated downhill. By the early third, the less than humble Toronto fans near the ice in front of us were getting pelted with peanuts and had their baseball hats thrown out onto the ice. We scanned for further shenanigans as little pockets of trouble became visible around the Garden. Bad winners and worse losers had the golden-jacketed Remax security agents running ragged.

As I work in marketing, I know what spin is. Steen’s hat trick and five unanswered Toronto goals in the second period are unspinnable, even for the best of the silver-lining manufacturers. A brutal, soul-sucking night in North Station this evening. To make it worse, I have to fly to Toronto tomorrow. Whatever resolutions the Bruins might have made this past Monday morning, I’m not sure anyone is listening anymore.

I am gearing up for the Boston Jekyll and Hyde’s tonight. Happy New Year by the way. Anyway, I am happy to announce that after having a cold since Thanksgiving, I am finally 100% better. So, I am going to drink a beer and try and guess which Bruins Team shows up tonight.

Earlier I was looking at fights on youtube. What the hell happened in the Rangers/Capitals game the other night? Brashear and Orr’s fight was pretty good. Reason I ask is MOL and I are headed to our Nations Capital next weekend for the Caps game against the Thrashers. Hopefully the Caps are willing to mix it up again with Atlanta. Every time I watch them Huggy Bear is in a fight. They are a fun team to follow, unlike the Bruins. I love the B’s, don’t get me wrong, but they aren’t all that much fun to follow sometimes. They don’t fight. They love to give games away. They don’t fight. I think Zdeno Chara is the most over rated player in the NHL. He looks like Hal Gill part 2. Oh yeah, they don’t fight. I am hoping they have a few donnybrooks tonight. The Bruins have had some bad blood with the Leafs earlier, and I hope it boils over tonight. I am going to check in after the First. Happy New Year all. Grab a brew. Don’t cost nothing.

First Period
Shocking a Leafs chance would come off a bad change. This is a poorly coached Team.

In keeping with a poorly coached team theme, I would like to see Tenkrat on the first line.

I like Versus. I think they have done a good job as of late. Too bad no one is watching.

It figures I call out Big Z and he scores. Good for him. Oh, and No Skills was defending him.

Referee Justin St. Pierre is a dick. He told me to get him a Pepsi in the frog accent after a Lockmonster game. I wanted to punch him in his face.

I really don’t think Tim Thomas is all that good. Boston needs to make a trade for a proven starter.

Should I drink a beer? Stupid question.

Versus is promoting the PBR. I am being serious. If you ever get a chance to go to a PBR event, you should. Wildly entertaining.

Mhmmmmmm…..beer……..

Um, Mr. York? You might want t get a body on that 13 guy. Uh, yeah, um, that’s Mats Sundin.

Is Chris Simpson related to Rob Simpson? They are both long winded twits.

Bad penalty there on Alberts. He needs to stop that shit. When he cuts that College shit out, I think he’s going to be one of the best defensemen in the league. No, I am not on dope. I’m totally serious.

I think they have a midget camera man there in Toronto. They used to have a midget trainer for the St. John Maple Leaf.

That really looked like it hurt when Tucker went into the boards. Mara did it to him too. I hope he goes after him.

Anyone that couldn’t see the second Leaf goal coming hasn’t watched much Bruins hockey this year. Running around in your own end will kill you every time. Again, poor coaching.

No Skills with the goal. That’s odd. I call out Chara, compare him to the worst player in the league, and they both score. Damn. I get tired of being right all the time.

What the fuck is Mojo?

Stastny needs to bury that one timer into an open net, or he is going back to the AHL soon.

I love the on ice audio. Even if No Skills is the one wearing the Mic.

That’s a pretty shitty call on Alberts for elbowing. Looked like Tucker was ducking under the hit.

I was under the impression if you are bleeding like Darcy Tucker is right now; you had to leave the ice for repair? Am I wrong on this?

Chara looks hurt after blocking that shot.

That was a poor period from the Bruins. They need to stop running around so much, and Alberts needs to stop taking penalties. I hope Tucker is pissed, and decides to go after Mara, or Alberts. Or both.

Second Period
Did I mention I have on my Goonblog hockey t-shirt? I do. You should get yours soon.

Cool plays of the year in between periods. That goal by Malkin was sick. I like to watch the Pens on Center Ice. Them and the Caps are my two favorites.

Mhmmmm…..beer……

I was fooling with Top Friends on Myspace in between periods. I made Screwy St. Louis a Top Friend. Guy lead the WPHL in PIM’s with 331 in 67 games in ’98-’99. Our kind of player.

St. Pierre missed that call on Tucker. If you call it one way, you gotta call it the other. Asshole.

LINE BRAWL!!! PLEASE!!! FUUUUUUUCK!!!

Thomas sucks.

We need a fight here. Down 3-1. Division rivals. They need to settle this like men. Oh wait. This is the new NHL. Never mind.

I think I might try to go to the Bruins Thursday. Little Halftime Pizza before? Done and done.

How in the hell did Boston let O’Connell trade Joe Thornton?

What the hell was that play by Thomas? Jesus. There was someone right behind him.

With the exception of the near fight, that was a terribly boring period I feel. If I am Dave Lewis, I am telling someone to start a fight to start the third.

Third Period

No Skills arguing with Coach Randy Ladoucuer before the period. Um No Skills, maybe you should listen to him.

4-1. Can we please start a fight now? Please?

That is a weak goal by the way. The kind an AHL goaltender gives up. Oh wait….

I gotta pee.

Much better.

Terrible penalty on Marco Sturm. That’s Darcy being Darcy.

Shocking it would lead to a goal. Fucking awful defense by 33.

Now can we fight?

Now?

I like to see Tenkrat back up on the line with Muzz and Savard.

OK, power play for the Bruins. Let’s get a goal here boys.

5 on 3 now. No Skills on the hook.

Nice save there by Raycroft.

Boy that was a crappy PP. You know why? You guessed it….poor coaching.

LINE BRAWL!!! PLEASE!!!!? FUUUUUUUUCK!!!

I am going Thursday. I hope this bad blood boils over.

Wow. What a sucktacular game for the Bruins. Fucking embarrassing.

No fights. No intensity. Arguably the worst Bruins game of the season. Once again, Happy New Year everyone!