As Chris was home staring at his Plasma Sunday night watching hockey, I was fortunate enough to be @ Fenway for the Sox vs. Yankees series sweep game. Chris was in fact the only person east of Pittsburgh who watched the Detroit Calgary game. I think if you took a poll that night, more than ¾ of the earth’s population would not know there was a hockey game. That in itself is troublesome but hey what do you expect with Bettman running things?

The night started out with a few Bud’s in the car ride in followed by a pleathora more @ Copperfields next door to Fenway. You could feel the electricity in the air as both Sox and Yankees fans were all gassed up and ready for a battle. I long for the days of the Garden and Causeway Street having this same energy another time during my life but since the Bruins MGMT. team is completely incompetent, I don’t see this happening. I guess now I know what it’s like to be a Panthers or a Blue Jackets fan. No wonder why they drink so much in those places. What the hell do they have to look forward to anyway?

Me and three of my buddies finally make our way into Fenway after some solid effort put in over at Copperfields. I did run into my buddy J-Bone, who is a stellar goalie in his own right, at Copperfields. He was pretty horrified when I yelled over to him with 3 beers in my hand as he was entertaining clients. Sorry J-Bone my bad! Some of you may know from attending games @ Fenway but let’s just say if you want to purchase any food or beverage, you better have robbed a Brinks truck. Bottled water is $6.25, not that I was drinking any of that but Christ that is a joke. Here is where things get good for Killer. As I made my way through a food line, the nerd behind the counter tells me that the register is broken but that I could grab my food here and I could go about 15’ over to the next register to pay for it. I look around and notice pure chaos as boozed up baseball fans are everywhere. I proceed to grab as much food as my hands could carry and meander out of site, strategically missing that register. Yes I did something wrong and I feel shamed but you know what? That was the best pizza, chicken sandwich, cheeseburger and 2 hot dogs I have ever had!! Now only if that could happen at the beer line.

Before I can even spit out my first peanut shell, Dice-K plunks A-Hole and then follows that one up by plunking Kweeter. I couldn’t be happier or more bombed. I highly recommend attending any Sox vs. Yankees game with as much alcohol in your system as possible. As the middle part of the third inning arrived, I considered taking a piss break but opted to stick around. Thank god I did as history was about to occur.

In an electrifying sequence, the Red Sox briefly turned the game into batting practice, tying a Major League record with four consecutive home runs against Yankees lefty Chase Wright. Manny Ramirez put the dramatic power show in motion, then it was J.D. Drew’s turn followed by Mike Lowell and finally Jason Varitek was the fourth Red Sox hitter in a row bombing one into the Monster Seats to put the Sox in front in the most dramatic fashion imaginable. As Dicky V says so eloquently – That was Awesome Baby! In the end, Papelbon closed out the victory by getting A-Hole to ground to Lowell at third base: 7-6 Sox win and a sweep of the Yankees. Not quite as exciting as the hockey game Chris watched but pretty close.

So far, I would give the Stanley Cup Playoffs a solid B-. The Vancouver / Dallas series was flat out terrific. Not sure how much gas Vancouver has left in the tank but if Luongo keeps making spectacular play after play, they may make a run. Let me re-peat that I still HATE Ottawa and hope they get blown out by New Jersey. The battle of NY between the Sabres and Rangers looks even on paper but I don’t see how the Sabres can survive the physical play. Detroit and San Jose is the heavyweight battle. The Red Wings fell asleep for a few games against Calgary and if they aren’t careful San Jose will send em home early. Who will lift Lord Stanley? Stay tuned….

I would be willing to bet a large amount of money, that I am one of about 10, no, maybe 5, people in the Boston area watching Detroit and Calgary right now as opposed to Dice K and the Red Sox face the dreaded Yankme’s. I think it’s indicative of being a hockey fan in general. It’s like I’m in my own little club that no one gets. Besides, I’d rather watch April hockey over April baseball any day of the week. Actually, make that hockey anytime over baseball anytime. OK, I’ll get to the point.

Due to the fact I am getting increasingly chubby (no, no, it’s true) I’ve been reading The Hockey News on the bike a lot more. I used to just read it whilst having a poo, which is good because a lot of times I find The Hockey News to be full of shit, hence the YGTBSMT (You’ve Got to be Shitting me Times) nickname I gave it in a previous post. Now that I read it while exercising as well, I may have to start calling it The Please Stop it Because my heart rate is Already up and I might have a Heart Attack Times. A bit long I realize, but some of the stuff that gets printed really chaps my large ass.

Case in point. I am about two weeks behind because they come like everyday. So I am finishing up the April 10th Playoff Preview Issue. It is a good issue, as most of them are. I like the Team Reports a lot and they have cool features on different players around the league. I also like the Junior, and College Hockey ink that gets written. All in all, I really do enjoy The Hockey News. What I often take issue with, is the Editorial articles that get printed every week. I guess they are written for water cooler fodder as much as relaying an opinion of the writer, but the April 10th Overtime piece written by Mike Brophy is utter crap.

Mr. Brophy, who I usually actually usually enjoy, has a “solution” for people like me that think fighting has a part in the game of hockey. He says that it’s cool to have fighting in the game, and anyone can engage in a fight without being kicked out provided they have played at least 10 minutes. Brophy even proposes a 3 game grace period in which someone has a chance to goon it up all he wants, but if they fight in the 4th game and haven’t played 10 minutes, they are ejected. It’s an interesting theory and it’s backed up by him saying David Koci has been up with Chicago for 6 games. He has fought 6 times, while playing 3:36 a game. Brophy goes on to say that the evolution of hockey fights has gone from guys like Bobby Orr, and Gordie Howe who could fight as well as play, to guys like Colton Orr, and Georges Laraque who can’t play at all and are only there to fight. He says no one has a problem with Jerome Iginla and Vincent Lecavalier fighting in the playoffs a few years ago because it was spontaneous, and not staged. His issue is with big tough goons that only fight. Brophy further contends there is room for big men that can play and occasionally fight citing Zdeno Chara as a big man that is a great player, and a great fighter. Wait what? Did I just read that?

Not only is Zdeno Chara the most over rated player in the whole of the NHL, he’s a shitty fighter as well. Not only that, he’s a shitty Captain. I have seen Big Z since his days as a Lowell Lockmonster, and he is not a good fighter. He doesn’t do it enough, and when he does, he doesn’t put guys away like he should. Also, there were so many instances this Bruins season when he as the biggest guy on the ice, and the Captain to boot should have dropped his gloves and dealt with someone but opted not to because….well, I don’t know why. It is utterly amazing that he as the Captain of the Boston Bruins did not have a single fighting major all season. We in Boston expect our Captains to be tough, and you Big Z, are more of a Big P.

You see Mr. Brophy; I have no issue with guys that can play fighting. In fact I love it. I saw the Iginla and Lecavalier tilt a few years ago, and it was a dandy. The problem is, I want to look at the bench and know when someone gets wronged, there is a Colton Orr, or a Derek Boogard in the Break Glass In Case Of Emergency section of the bench. I don’t care if they “play” 1 second, or 60 minutes. I want to know there is someone on the bench that will go after an opposing player’s tough guy when a call up gets a cheap shot to the head in the crease (see Buffalo and Boston this season when this very thing happened, and no one did anything). Or a guy that will ask someone to go, and then wish him “Good Luck” to try and spark his team. That is the type of hockey I prefer. As an aside to the photo staff of The Hockey News. When trying to make a point about fighting. Don’t show pictures of two tough guys going at it and the DELIGHTED crowd looking on in the background. It kind of kills the point you are trying to make. Just saying is all.

It has been playoff time for a week now, and so far, we have seen some great games. San Jose and Nashville has a real snarl to it, and I have enjoyed the Detroit and Calgary series. In the East I have watched the beloved Penguins go down 3-1 to the Senators, and I have been watching the Rangers series as well. This is the best time of the year to be a hockey fan. The NCAA’s just wrapped up (Heart breaker for BC) the local High School Tourneys are wrapped up, and the NHL and AHL playoffs have begun. Below are 10 observations, ramblings, if you will on the Playoffs so far.

1. San Jose and Nashville really don’t like each other.
This has been the old time hockey special from the start. There have been nasty hits from behind, brawls, and a general chippiness I like. The series represents the old guard, and has been my favorite so far.

2. I don’t like Buffalo.
All fucking Winter I have had to listen to Buffalo fans piss and moan on XM about how they came this close, and they were the better team last year, and if this happened, that would have happened…..enough already! Now they are taking the whole playoffs lightly. The Isle may not be good enough to make them pay for it, but I’d love to see them bump off the Sabres and their mouthy fans.

3. I really like Sean Avery
He has been the ultimate playoff player. He’s been a real shit disturber, and has taken Atlanta off their game, while playing a big role in his own team’s success. I would love to see him in the Black and Gold.

4. So far, no one is stopping Detroit.
Those guys are scary good. Calgary has tried to push them around, and it hasn’t worked out. I think the series is going back to the Joe tied because Calgary is a force at home, but they can’t win on the road. Eventually it will be the Flames undoing.

5. Tampa Bay is going to win their series.
The Bolts have forced the Devils to play un Devil like hockey, and it will be their undoing.

6. I have not seen one second of the Ducks series.
Let me clarify. I did see some of it, but I was wasted. Um. Go Ducks?

7. I am a sick man.
I watched a very good deal of the bazillion OT game Dallas and Vancouver played on opening night. I looked up at 1 AM and realized, hey, WTF? I am not from Vancouver, or Dallas. What the hell am I doing? Oh yeah, and I was out of beer.

8. Ding Dong. I’ll get it.
Hit of the playoffs so far? Armstrong on Eaves. Good clean hockey play and I love it.

9. I hate to say it.
I think the Rangers are going to win the East. Goaltending is hot right now, and the team is playing well in front of him. Having Shanny in the room will help.

10. Early favorite.
Wings. I really don’t see anyone stopping them. Calgary has tried to push them around, and they have not let that happen. Goaltending has been good, and they have been scoring a lot of goals. Add that to the experience in the room, and I give you the ’07 Champs, the Detroit Red Wings.

Great bout between Tony and Bacala on Sunday eh? Bacala definitely jumped him, but at the same time, Tony should have seen it coming after calling his wife a whore. Taz made a good point, saying it’s kind of like when Andre “Pillow Hands” Payette asked someone to go, and then claimed he was jumped. He should have seen it coming too.

The bout started after Tony called Bacala’s wife, and his own sister, a whore. After Bacala had warned him, Tony did it again, and Bacala fucking clocked him. From the outset of the fight, it was Bobby B’s. He landed hard rights to Tony’s head, and landed a lot to his gut. Smart move by Bacala trying to expose his weakness. MOL was appalled because she is a nurse, and was concerned for Tony’s gut shot. It was then I reminded her it was a TV show. So, Tony and Bacala were whaling on each other, and Carmella went all Kevin Collins on them and tried to jump in. Well, she paid the price and was thrown into a couch nearly breaking her shoulder. Eventually the boys were separated, with Bobby Bacala going to his box the winner. I never thought he’d win that fight, but it is an interesting parallel to the role of the enforcer. You win some and lose some in the role of enforcer. Tony will be back I am sure, and to some degree he already retaliated by making Bobby clip that guy. If I am Tony, I have the next meeting circled on my calendar, and if I am Bacala, I am watching my back.

1. Eliminate the Instigator rule: The players hate it, the fans hate it and it just plain does not make sense. Let the men police themselves. If two willing combatants have an issue with each other they can settle things the right way; one-on-one! If some wing ding wants to fly around the ice taking liberties, he will quickly be approached and dealt with accordingly. Paul Mara had two Instigator penalties this season… yeah you read that correctly - Paul Fuckin Mara! During one of his final games with the B’s before being traded to the Rangers, he was about to get into a scrap when the ref reminded him he had 2 and one more would get him suspended. The puss bag who he wanted to go with kept goading him fully knowing Paul couldn’t do anything.

2. Suspend hit from behind offenders: There has been WAY too many of these infractions this past season. Forget giving them a 2 minute penalty, toss their ass out of the game and suspend them. I know there will be a gray area and all that but getting blasted from behind is just about the worst thing - unless of course you are My Better Half who seems to enjoy it.

3. Get rid of half shields: When was the last time a player lost their vision? I know it happens but that’s the chance you take playing professional hockey. These foreign players run around the ice with there shields on and sticks flying. Not in North America hockey boys. Put Robocop back on the streets of Detroit.

4. Get some Studio Hosts who have a heart beat for National games: I hate the Monday Night Countdown crew on ESPN but they sure do get me fired up for Football. The Bed Time boys from Versus and NBC need to go. Bill Clement is just not cutting it as a Studio guy. His strength is as an analyst calling a game. Keith Jones is flat out horrible in the studio. Whatever he is getting paid he should give it all back to Versus with interest. Ray “Chicken Parm” Ferraro is decent but he seems to be holding back as to not offend anyone. Brett “One Timer” Hull is growing on me and improving week to week. Get some guys in there with energy and passion, please!

5. For shootouts, every player on the roster needs to participate: No reason the same 3 guys should be going night after night. I’m tired of seeing Marco Sturm, Patrice Bergeron and Phil Kessel. Maybe they don’t have to use every player since the bottom of the roster has a good amount of turnover but at least they could make the top 2 or 3 lines including D participate. Once a player attempts a shootout, he can’t participate again until the other members on his team have gone. Basically, I’m looking forward to George Laraque coming down on Henry Lundquist followed by Colton Orr sizing up Marc-Andre Fleury for a deek move. Do you think that would make Sports Center? You bet your ass it would.

6. Swap the broadcasts of back to back home and home games: The announcers for each team will have one of those broadcasts sent to the other teams’ viewers. With each NHL team having there games broadcast by muppets who are being paid by that team, the broadcasts are weighted in that teams favor. Imagine HockeyTown getting the feed from the Avalanche and vise versa? What about Toronto getting Ottawa’s feed? Can you imagine how many TV sets would be broken during a Canadians vs. Bruins game with the Boston area getting the French feed? Au Revoir Messieur Sony Plasma. How about Montreal having to listen to Dale “I love Mr. Jacobs” Arnold yelling “What a save by Thomas” after the puck missed the net by 5’?

7. Partner with YouTube: Put together weekly highlight packages including plays of the week, goals of the week, saves of the week, hits of the week and of course, fights of the week. The popularity of this site with the younger generation is off the charts. The amount of hits they get per day is almost as much as Bob Marley took back in the day! The packages don’t have to be anything special, just show some cool shit that will get potential viewers interested. The hockey fans that are watching now will always be here. The NHL needs to grow and this is a cheap method. Lord knows Gary Bettman would like this as he is just about as cheap as Jeremy Jacobs… oh wait, no one is that cheap. Sorry Gary that was a low blow.

8. Get the 4th referee off the ice: There is no need to have 4 “extra” skaters on the ice. Have you seen how many times the refs are in the way of the game lately? Pucks are getting stuck in their skates as well as being ricocheted off their bodies. Two linesman and 1 referee can easily accomplish officiating today’s game.

9. Limit the amount of Europeans in the league: Look at Soccer in North America. Every kid plays the game growing up but the fan base for MLS blows. You know why? It’s not our sport and the best known players are almost entirely foreign. We can’t relate to some kid who grew up in Sweden but we sure as hell can relate to some stud from Moose Jaw, Saskatoon, Minnesota or even Southie. These foreign players sure are talented but let’s face it, do you wanna watch PJ Axelson for another 4 years or would you prefer some 6’3” monster from Mississauga tearing things up?

10. Implement Guest Announcing Night: For the local watering holes surrounding the stadiums desperately trying to lure back business, they should offer guest announcer night. Have 2 or 3 patrons sit in front of the flat screen with microphones and announce the game with no restrictions! Can you imagine the Harp during a B’s game with Chris and me at the mike? The place would be buzzing and so would we. Who needs the paid yahoos to tell us what we are watching. I’d rather listen to Joe fan, with a few beers in him, sharing his thoughts for all to hear.

I could go on and on - but I won’t. I want my Million Dollar Babies to be fans of the NHL when they grow up. If things continue as is, this game might not be around for them and that scares me to death. Today’s game is an eye sore for the “new” viewer the NHL is trying to lure in. I’d love to sit in on a Marketing meeting within the NHL HQ and see exactly what these brain surgeons have in store for us in the coming years. Check that: does the NHL have a Marketing department? I’m fired up for the playoffs, enjoy the games and let’s hope things improve.

I’m suspended. I am also 21, 22, big afro. Today was our annual sports day at the office. Usually on Opening Day you can wear your favorite sports team gear, and since the only thing I have is an Oglethorpe jersey I got as a Halloween costume a few years ago, it’s what I go with every year. Only a few people get it, but hey, that’s kind of the norm for hockey fans anyway eh? No one gets the game we love. Oh my god, Lou just fired me. Speaking of being a hockey fan, this weekend was a “super fan” weekend.

Friday was spent in Lowell watching the Devils lose to the Portland Pirates. I was quite focused on Mr. Gillies for a couple of reasons.

1. This is called Goonblog. We like Goons.

2. I kind of was all over the boy for his “performance” the last time he was in the building.

As I watched him I noticed two things.

1. I think he’s out of Coach Dineen’s dog house. Trevor got a regular shift, and didn’t hurt the team.

2. He wasn’t acting like a spastic Pee Wee on the bench this time around. Hard to explain how weird it was to watch him do what he was doing on the bench last time without having actually seen him do it. Bizarre.

Obviously there were no fights. Duh. It’s Lowell. The game itself was pretty crappy, but Bekah and I got a brew after and talked about how Mr. Kitty is doing so it was cool.

Saturday found me on the couch watching the Bruins blow another one. This game featured two fights, and they were even pretty good scraps. I especially enjoyed the Hoggan tilt. I’d like to see more of him next season. I learned two things watching this tilt.

1. Gord Kluzak is a pussy.

2. Rob Simpson may be a dork, but he is obviously a big fight fan, and as such, I will now lay off him.

Saturday evening found me back in Lowell. I can’t say exactly why I missed the entire game, but I did. They won. I don’t think there were any fights.

Sunday was a real good day for me. I went down to Providence and Kinger and I went to the Bruins tilt. I got to his place around 2:30ish and naturally we headed right to the bar for some brew and snacks. After a couple of beers and a banging chicken sangy, oh, and an attempted mugging (don’t ask) we headed off for the game. We were standing in line, when some dude cam up and handed us two free tickets. Nice! The only thing better than a hockey game, is a free hockey game. We settled into our seats at the old folk’s home (I swear to god, the Dunk smells just like the nursing home my grandfather was in) and watched the Devils lose to the Bruins. It was a pretty entertaining tilt that featured a fight between Aaron Downey and the mouth, Lowell Devil forward David Clarkson. At first blush it looked like Clarkie got killed, but watching the replay, none of what Downey threw really landed. In fact, I think Clarkson landed the only punch of the fight on his first hard right hand. Pre Replay, I call it a big win for Downey, post, it’s a draw.

Since I was with Kinger in Providence, we obviously went to the Ballet after. Our place of choice was Desires. Not a bad joint. When we went in the place, the “B” and “C” teams were taking their cuts, but as we left some of the ringers had come aboard. All in all it was an outstanding weekend. This is a great time of the year for hockey, and it’s good to get in as many games as possible before all we have is stupid baseball. Now, who is going to buy me a soda after the game?