Hockey is not just the national pastime and passion, it’s the embodiment of Canadian values. It’s about work ethic, team play, physical conditioning and mental toughness. It’s also about knowing when to leave all of that on the ice and move on. - Dave Burwick

A very happy Canada Day to you all from the shores of the Big Rideau Lake. Here is an appropriate picture that was taken on Saturday as I pulled the pontoon boat out of the lift and one of my new puppies stared at our big light up maple leaf in awe of her first boat ride and first Canada Day fireworks celebration (all the good stuff surrounding the holiday happened over the weekend).

If Chris gets his butt up here as he claims he’s planning to, we’ll dust off the mics, pick a couple of 2-4s up at the L.C. and then have us a rip-roaring summer podcast edition. Do I miss Boston? Definitely. Do I regret the move back to Canada? What do you think? I go to bed every night listening to loons singing and wake up 10 feet from one of the coolest and most historically important water systems in North America. I love this country and sincerely hope that Chris and M.O.L. make it up here so I can share my silly wildreness world with them. If you’re with me, leave him some encouraging comments - I trust it will be worth our reader’s while in terms of the silly content that would be produced as a result.

Can you spot the Canadian girl?

It’s an 8-9 hour drive, no big whoop. Leave at 8am and you’re here by 4pm. Mass Pike to NY Thruway to Syracuse, north on 81 to Gannanoque and you’re practically here. I regret having to resort to the blog to get you motivated, but I also hope you get brow-beaten by the Goons into submission. Haze, bully, namecall. Work with me on this one guys - I miss me some Chris!

I would like to personally thank everyone for the well wishes, and words of support and encouragement you have given MOL and I. Saturday was a very emotional day for the both of us, and it means so much to us that everyone could be there and share the day with us. To the Goonsquad in attendance. Thanks for being there. We really could not have asked for a better day eh? I hope you boys got enough to eat and drink. Judging from the two posts while I was away, I’m guessing you did.

MOL and I had a fantastic time on our Honeymoon. We did the same thing every day. Wake up. Go to the beach. Eat lunch. Take a nap. Eat dinner. Go to Sharky’s. Go home. It was a great time just sitting on the beach reading the Hockey News, and doing nothing. I had never been to the Vineyard, but I will most assuredly be going back. The people are super friendly, and they all seem genuinely interested in making sure you are enjoying yourself. Excellent times to say the least.

So, now I am back with many wedding thank you cards to write. I am refreshed, and am looking forward to the puck dropping on Saturday at noon for the Ducks and Kings. I love the Ducks in your face game, and I think the Kings have some very entertaining youngsters on their roster. Plus, it’ll be awesome to see two West Coast teams play in East Coast time. I am also trying to get MOL to go to the Bruins game on Sunday against the Isles. My boy Gordie Dwyer has been scoring goals, and dropping the mitts so I’d love to see him in action….provided he doesn’t get sent down…or released……Anyway, good to be back boys! Killer and I have some stuff coming up for the season that will be fun and entertaining, and The Ref is always lurking, ready to chip in his two cents. Hell, we may even get Hammer to write something again?

I know we’re in the middle of the playoffs and everything, but I need to share. A funny thing happened on the way to Canada a couple of weeks ago. I just moved up here permanently from Boston’s North End, and to the uninitiated it’s a heck of a tough neighborhood to maneuver anything resembling a large truck through. When I arrived at my favorite automotive equipment leasing establishment (hint: it rhymes with RuPaul,) I discovered my reservation for a 10 foot truck had somehow translated into a 14 footer that wouldn’t be ready for an hour. By the time I finally got back to the North End from Dorchester not only was I an hour behind schedule, but I had serious doubts about whether I’d be able to back the behemoth down my little street that was of course designed for horses 300 years ago.

Luckily my copilot, Sean - the Bear to my BJ (that’s hot) - got out of the truck and helped me navigate backwards through the planters, pedestrians and fire escapes that litter Cleveland Place. We got the bugger in and we got it almost all the way to my front door when I noticed a man on a cell phone walking towards the truck in my rear view mirror. At the time, I thought he looked familiar but I was far too engrossed in not flattening Italian children to pay it any mind. And then Sean shouted his next direction my way:

“Cut the wheel to the right, straighten out past the lamp post and be sure not to hit Stanley Cup winner and Hockey Hall of Famer, Ray Bourque“.

I hit the brakes and turned around to look out the windshield as Ray heard his name, turned and waved at us. Had he not been on the phone, Sean swears he would have asked him to help load the truck so we could get a picture. That would have been quite a momento to leave Boston with. Still, it was very exciting to have almost squashed Ray Bourque that fateful morning. I’m not a fan-atic in a Mark David Chapman sort of way, but I’m starting to see where the fat bastard was coming from.

Early January tends to bring out the remorse in people. “I’m going to quit drinking so much on Tuesdays. I’m going to start going to the gym to exercise, and not just have a wank in the locker room. I’m going to let my wife leave the house to vote”. But the repentance and apologetic nature of the new year is usually short lived, no matter how shameless the previous one might have been.

It’s January 4th, and I have just returned from the new Boston Massacre at the BankNorth Garden where the Leafs smote the Bruins 10-2. It was a great, even game for the first half a period - and I remember thinking how lucky it was that my uninitiated lady friend was getting to attend such a great contest as her first. But then it all skated downhill. By the early third, the less than humble Toronto fans near the ice in front of us were getting pelted with peanuts and had their baseball hats thrown out onto the ice. We scanned for further shenanigans as little pockets of trouble became visible around the Garden. Bad winners and worse losers had the golden-jacketed Remax security agents running ragged.

As I work in marketing, I know what spin is. Steen’s hat trick and five unanswered Toronto goals in the second period are unspinnable, even for the best of the silver-lining manufacturers. A brutal, soul-sucking night in North Station this evening. To make it worse, I have to fly to Toronto tomorrow. Whatever resolutions the Bruins might have made this past Monday morning, I’m not sure anyone is listening anymore.

This came in via our MySpace profile from a reader called RunninAmok. We’ve met many great hockey fan folk through the MS network, and if you haven’t made friends with us yet please do so. 206 friends and counting!

“This was written by a member of Fried Chicken’s Hockey Fight Site from Vancouver, with some input from others that I added to it.”

I would like to congratulate Gary Bettman for doing his very best for improving the NHL as we know it. Gary, you have done a marvelous job since you have been Commissioner of the NHL. You have been instrumental in 2 work stoppages, half of the 1994-95 season (468 games), and a complete loss of the 2004-05 season.

Gary, great job in bringing back half empty arenas, and for moving two great Canadian franchises in Quebec City and Winnipeg. Sure, we have a “new” team in Ottawa, but you’re right, Carolina, Nashville and Miami are much better hockey markets. Nothing says “Old Time Hockey” like those blue, silver, and bright yellow jerseys of the Nashville Predators. I can’t wait until Pittsburgh, Edmonton, or Calgary move since we all know Houston, Kansas City and Las Vegas are such hotbeds for hockey!

Thank you Gary for bringing us a schedule where we don’t need to see each team every year. In a place like Vancouver, they have hundreds of fans who would like to see the Leafs, Habs or Bruins play the Canucks every season, but once again, you’re right, playing Calgary, Minnesota and Edmonton 8 times a season is much more entertaining than seeing an original 6 team like New York, Detroit, or Toronto. Who cares if the Stanley Cup Champions play here? Who cares if Ovechkin, Crosby, Malkin or Staal play here every 3 seasons? Gary, you’re right, we don’t need them.

Mr. Bettman, how do you do it? How did you get such a sweet deal on OLN? Yes, having the NHL on a channel Americans have to pay for is much better than ESPN. The numbers don’t lie; OLN’s numbers prove that. ESPN, NBC, CBS, yeah, we don’t need that. We have Pay Per View; how fortunate are we! What ever happened to that Fox Trax puck? I miss that.

Getting back to the schedule, I really like how some games are worth two points and others three. It’s also so exciting to see no battles in front of the net or body contact of any kind. Hockey is such a great game now. I couldn’t stand watching Todd Bertuzzi slamming Chris Chelios or freight training Barret Jackman. Those bodychecks were so violent! We don’t need that in OUR sport. No way! I prefer to see Henrik or Daniel Sedin, able to stand unimpeded in front of the crease so they can tap in a rebound! I’m so happy that fighting is almost gone from the game. Now I have more time to go get some popcorn or a drink instead of wondering if Brian McGratton would fight Wade Brookbank. Wait, the Canucks got rid of Brookbank because he was tough. Also, that fight would only happen every three years.

Gary, I’m thrilled that there are so many Europeans in the game. Having Europeans on the third and fourth line is fascinating. Watching them cycle the puck back and forth behind the net is so exciting. I’m glad to see guys such as PJ Stock, Gino Odjick and Tie Domi gone from the game. They didn’t bring anything to the game that a fourth liner from Europe couldn’t. I really hated to hear those chants of Gino, Gino, Gino we used to hear when he went after Marty McSorley or Tie Domi. Like I mentioned fighting was a despicable part of the game. I now have time to go to the washroom, beating those intermission crowds.

I really enjoy watching five on four, four on three, or five on three games nightly. There’s nothing more entertaining than seeing more goals. I love seeing the stars racking up the points like Gretzky and Lemieux used to. We don’t need those old records that were set before you became commissioner. Players like Gordie Howe, Bobby Hull, Phil Esposito or Bobby Orr aren’t important. They played in that era of fighting and limited power plays. These players had to battle nightly for space on the ice or in front of the net. I’m so glad to see that you don’t have to pay a price to score. What a chore that was. If Gretzky played in today’s game, he may have gotten 400 points, but let’s not get silly now.

And thank you for the two-referee system. Get some more people out there on the ice and call more penalties. Forty minor penalties per game is exciting and really gets the average Joe and Joan heading to the arena. In conclusion Mr.Bettman, I’d just like to say that the game, as you see it, could never be better & I hope you are thrilled with today’s product coming to a rink near you. By the way Gary, have you ever played the game, or even watched it?

Sincerely,

A WHL fan.

This Saturday your beloved GoonSquad will be returning to fighting form and attending the Bruins/Ranger game at the Garden. To say that we’re excited about hockey’s return would be an understatement. To say I’m excited about having Jalepno poppers at Sports Grill beforehand would be a gross understatement. Very gross. Regardless, Colton Orr will be returning to Beantown for the first time since his release, likely looking to tattoo Wade Brookbank. Hopefully Chris won’t run into Orr at the bar and fire chicken wing spittle into his face while pledging his eternal devotion this time. So Chris, Hammer the Younger and yours truly will be lacing up our livers and hitting North Station with a vengance around 2pm, with digital voice recorder in tow. Digital voice recorder, you ask?

To further mark this joyous occasion, we’ll be recording our very first GoonBlog Podcast before, during and after the game. It may take a while to get the hang of it, and even longer to figure out the editing learning curve, but by this time next week it’ll be live for your enjoyment/morbid fascination. You can expect mutual disresepect, at least 10 SlapShot references, extreme off-topic veering and - we hope - a heck of a lot of funny. If you want statistics, nobody beats HockeyFights.com. For humorous, R-rated, booze-soaked commentary and morbid entertainment value, we hope the GoonBlog Podcast manages to get a hand on you, pull a shirt over your shoulderpads and then pummel the crap out of you. You know, make an impression.

During the off-season it’s tough to sit down and find something to write about every day. Come to think of it, that’s a challenge for us even in the middle of the schedule - so now we’re really fucked. I found a prehistoric (1993) University of Chicago student goon site that I’m shocked is still live. With Domi’s recent retirement, and the tough-guy’s future threatened by new hockey rules, I thought the list would present a nostalgic look back at the state of thuggery in the NHL 13 years ago. How sweet it was:

1. Bob Probert- LW, Detroit Red Wings. “Probert, Probert, what a man; We see him, it’s slam-bam. Let’s go.” -D. Cherry Amassing 292 penalty minutes over the course of 80 games last year, Probert took on all challengers and usually stood tall at the end.

2. Marty McSorley- D, Pittsburgh Penguins. Although Probert is the better fighter, Marty has protected the biggest names in hockey (Wayne Gretzky last year, and Mario Lemieux this year) and led the league in penalty minutes last year with 399.

3. Tie (The Albanian Aggressor) Domi- RW, Winnipeg Jets. While his primary job is to protect teammate Teemu Selanne (Tay-MOO SEH-lahn-nay) from cheap shot artists, Domi finds time to play with his fellow goons, including a legendary bout with Probert last year (won by Probert needless to say), score 15 points, and rack up 344 penalty minutes in a mere 61 games.

4. Gino Odjick- LW, Vancouver Canucks. Pavel Bure doesn¹t need to worry about getting abused as long the 6¹3², 220-pound Odjick is around. Odjick had 370 penalty minutes in 75 games last season, and managed to up his offensive output to 17 points.

5. Stu Grimson- LW, Anaheim Mighty Ducks. Those opponents who sail into the pond this year and are tempted to make fowl comments about the Ducks, will think twice after Stu welcomes them with a brutal cross-check. While he Œonly¹ tallied 193 penalty minutes in 78 games with the Chicago Blackhawks, Stu made up for it with an intense physical style of play, as well as a fiery temper which helped spark the team.

6. Jim McKenzie- LW, Hartford Whalers. As if frequent references to Bob and Doug McKenzie (beauty eh?) weren¹t enough, Jim is forced to play in one of the greatest pits of North America. This helps explain why Jim had 202 penalty minutes in only 64 games; while few of them were foolish penalties, he is obviously an angry young man.

7. Randy McKay- RW, New Jersey Devils. Randy has one of the better work ethics among the NHL¹s goons and it paid off last year, as he netted 11 goals and was the proud recipient of 206 penalty minutes.

8. Shane Churla- RW, Dallas Stars. It will be interesting to see if the warmer climate and supportive fans of Dallas will soften Shane, who has been used to playing in completely opposite conditions in Minnesota. Since the Stars have only changed cities, not divisions, Mr. Churla will still have to contend with Mr. Probert, and also gets a new rival in the form of one Tie Domi. Look for him to improve upon last year¹s totals of 286 penalty minutes in 73 games.

9. Mike Peluso- LW, New Jersey Devils. The Devils have one of the league¹s most fearsome goon lines, with Peluso (318 PM in 81 games) at left wing and McKay (see number 7) at right wing. Peluso scored 15 goals and dished out 10 assists last year, but these numbers may fall off, since he won¹t get the playing time in New Jersey that he got in Ottawa.

10. Paul Laus- D, Florida Panthers. This is Wango Wango¹s dark horse. Coming from the bowels of hockey (the Cleveland Lumberjacks of the IHL), Paul has yet to play in the NHL but will surely rank among the goon elite. He racked up a whopping 427 penalty minutes in 76 games and 1,495 penalty minutes in his 6 years in the IHL.

So there you have it. Memory lane. How would this list look today, and are these sorts of players and positions truly becoming extinct? As the league heads into year 2 of the new NHL - is it going to get worse for our beloved goon?

Shhh. Do you hear that? It’s history happening all around us. Let us gather, children, sacrifice a goat and then harken the 100th post of the almighty GoonBlog.

Chris and I started about 6 months ago with a mutual love of thuggery, hockey, liquor, Slapshot and liquor - and we’ve managed to turn that into a site which is actually considered by most to be a legitimate source of new hockey journalism. Whatever that is. At least, that’s what we tell ourselves while crying to sleep every night. The Hammer is around here somewhere, too.

Our scope is sometimes limited and our entries have definitely bordered on infrequent, but we’ve made many new friends and have thoroughly enjoyed the experience thus far. Wherever a rookie enforcer hits the ice, we’ll be there. Whenever a no-name AHL thug gets mentioned in the media, we’ll be there. And whenever Chris and I end up PC’d after 8 pints of Banknorth Garden draft - well, I guess we’ll be there too. We won’t have a choice at that point.

Rest assured we’re not going anywhere, except maybe to a holding tank, and we thank you all for reading.

You know you’ve established yourself when you start to get comment-spam. I’m deleting ‘em as quickly as I catch ‘em, people. It’s almost flattering though. And enough with the penis enlargement ads, you spamming bastards. Who the hell have you been talking to?

David and Goliath - Downie and Malkin. No relation to Gord, the Super-Pest helped Canada in their 5-0 pimp-slap of the Russians, as you may or may not know. I don’t watch a lot of World Junior Hockey. In fact, I’ve never watched any. But Downie’s performance, spunk and grit reeks of a little Goon in the making.

…Downie and Khudobin were chirping back and forth, an exchange that ended when Downie took his glove off and held up four fingers."He was saying something, I couldn’t understand him," said Downie. "I know it must have been good, so I just gave him the four-goal symbol. He didn’t say anything after that."

Technically he’s a promising star right winger - but Goon, as we like to bestow the title, can be about the ‘tude too. My Grandmother would call Downie, "cheeky", probably right before driving to his hometown of Newmarket for some gravestone rubbings. But regardless, if he were a little taller and heavier Steve would undoubtedly be a bonafide bruiser-to-be. And then there’s that silly little habit he has of attacking his teammates.

The rules have changed in the NHL (literally) and little Stevie could be a slugging star in Philly (by way of being kicked off the Windsor Spitfires) if he can get past all the cross-checking in the head nonsense. This tournament win may have redeemed his tattered reputation, has definitely ensured him a chance at the show, and I suppose we’ll see where the bugger ends up. Be it the Flyers or be it anger management counseling. It’s Friday night and I’m rambling. Have a great weekend, everyone.

Two of GB’s favorite slugging sons, Trevor Gillies and Cam Janssen, got the shoulder tap today and are headed to the NHL (Ducks and Devils respectively). We’ll bring you updates as they develop. In related news Malone just had a clear win against Leach. Easily 7 right hands to none. Now Orr and VanDenBussh are having a go. This post is writing itself. Tempers are flaring at the Garden.

Chris is actually at the game right now, so I’ll let him chime in and elaborate in the morning.