Remember the scene in the 1980 classic John Landis picture, “The Blues Brothers “when Jake and Elwood are being chased by the Good ol Boys leaving Bob’s Country Bunker? They go flying by the two Illinois State Troopers and their SCMODS they had previously eluded in their old Mount Prospect Police car. One Trooper turns to the other and quips, “I don’t believe it. It’s that shit box Dodge again.” Well, that’s about the same way I felt last night from my seat in the Tsongas Arena watching the all new Lowell Devils.

I had been hearing all summer how this team was going to be different. Gone were the Grant Marshall’s, Ian Moran’s, and other retreads. In were up and comers. Guys that could play a puck possession style. Gone was the dump and chase, defense first style. In was the freewheeling pursue the puck style. Oh, and they also weren’t going to get pushed around. Well, I have been going to hockey games in Lowell long enough to not buy this line of shit. It doesn’t matter what organization has been in that building, I’ve been hearing it forever. “We aren’t going to get pushed around.” LA did, Carolina and Calgary did, Colorado did, and the Devils most definitely did. Despite having a guy like Pierre-Luc LeBlond on the roster for almost two years, they got pushed around. Now, I’m not saying having LeBlond in the lineup would have stopped every team in the league from taking liberties with the smallish Devil forwards Sweet Lou seems to love, but it would have been nice to see him on the ice trying to stop it, as opposed to sitting in the stands signing autographs for the dozens of meat slappers. The point being, I was very skeptical about the 2008-2009 Lowell Devils being anything other than a bad hockey team, playing a very boring style of hockey while getting pushed around in front of 200 people a night.

I am man enough to admit when I am wrong. Last night from the opening faceoff, it was clear this was a different team. It was like seeing a shit box Dodge to watch Devil forwards forecheck. I’m serious. I saw it with my own eyes. They actually went after a person with the puck after a turn over in their own end as opposed to immediately reporting to the neutral zone for trap duty. In Frickin’ credible eh? Oh, and they were physical too. I saw more body checks last night (along with goals, and fights….but we’ll get to that) in one game than I think I have in three years. I mentioned fights. There were THREE! No kidding three honest to goodness fights.

Round one featured a very feisty Rod Pelley of Lowell, and a baby faced Mike Moore of Worcester. I didn’t see how it started, but Pelley got an extra two minutes for roughing. I looked up and the boys were going at it across from my seat very near the visitor’s penalty box. Both landed a few in close punches and there was a bit more wrestling than I like to see, but Pelley did land a couple of nice shots, and I’m a homer sometimes, so win Pelley. Scary moment as they went to the ice. The linesman came this close to getting kicked in the face. Scary indeed.

Two minutes later, the square circle was open again, and stepping in this time was Lowell’s Tyler Eckford, and Worcester’s Jason Demers. Eckford came to the defense of team mate Nick Bergfors after Demers tried to take his head off against the home penalty box. Demers tried to run Bergfors, and went to the ice. Eckford came over, honored the code and let the man get to his feet, and then they had a spirited go. From my seat I couldn’t see much of the fight, but judges ringside said Eckford got in some nice shots while being handcuffed by his own jersey. I did notice Demers had a cut lip, and I could hear him say, “It’s been a long time since I fought. I didn’t really get any off” to Mike Moore when he got in the box. I can’t call a winner because I didn’t really see the scrap, but using the other judge’s scoring, he had it a win for Eckford. T o reap, that’s two fights. One game. Not the whole season.

The third fight of the night started right in front of Lowell’s bench. After Lowell’s Stephen Gionta almost got killed by an attempted clothes line, Olivier Magnan of Lowell grabbed Worcester’s Tom Cavanagh and beat him like he stole something. This one wasn’t even close, as Magnan unloaded left after left into Cavanagh’s mind. The crowd went crazy as it was a perfect way to end the 6-4 thrashing. Cavanagh came up bloody and might think twice about trying that kind of shit in Lowell again. I realize it’s only one game, but I really enjoyed myself in Lowell for the first time in a long time. Come on down, and bring the kids as the New Look Lowell Devils face off against the Manchester Monarchs next Friday night. Good seats are still available.

It’s finally here. The long hot summer is finally over. Bring on the long cold winter. That’s right, the “Boys of Winter” are back tonight against the Colorado Avalanche. The new slogan, “We want it as bad as you” remains to be seen, but I must say I am encouraged by the 2008-2009 Bruins chances.

While I was bummed to see Jeremy Reich sent down, it made sense. Milan Lucic, and Shawn Thornton both play the agitator, and Blake Wheeler played his way right onto the roster. Reicher will be back though, as I would imagine he’ll be the first called from the Baby B’s should they need a little grit, and honest effort. Speaking of “Wheels”. My word is this kid impressive early on. He has size, and good body position in front of the net, and I love he’s wearing 42. If he can drop the mitts and go, I think I might drop one in my pants. If Phil Kessel can have a go in pre season, anything is possible.

My big concern for the Bruins is, and always has been, goaltending and defense. They are anchored by the most over rated player in the NHL (Zdeno Chara) a scary presence in Dennis Wideman, a question mark in Andrew Alberts, and other piece parts. They need a true puck mover, and a skilled stay at homer. The Bruins don’t score a lot, so it’s going to be up to this group to help keep pucks out of the net.

This brings us to the goaltenders. Tim Thomas has always scared me, and I am really not sure about Manny Fernandez. I know Tuukka Raask isn’t ready, so I dread the thought of having to bring him up. Over all, I think this team is improved over last year, and I am excited for the season to start. I have them losing to Washington in the second round. I want it more than them.

On this very day of our Lord, September 30th, 2008 - CyberSports have finally launched their new online hockey simulation game, CyberPuck! I’ve been fiddling with it for a few hours now, and although the UI and design still leave a lot to be desired - I think they may be on to something.

We’ve all played hockey simulations and fantasy leagues in the past, but this is something a little different. CyberPuck is more akin to a social network, or some characters from Bard’s Tale walking wearing goalie pads than anything I’ve ever played before. I haven’t spent enough time with the game yet to warrant calling this article a review - but I’m very intrigued and will stick with it for at least a few games.

So far I have created a player named Tie Domi, been drafted by a team called the Sunshine Sultys, hired a trainer to help me with my wristshot and received my weekly salary of $2,500. To be perfectly honest… I’m a little confused by everything you’re initially presented with (sections for training, equipment, leagues, matches, contracts, tactics, fighting, betting, fixtures, cyberpoints, etc.) but eventually I know I’ll be happy with the game’s depth.

My first game is tomorrow and I am anxious to see how my team, the scourge of the Armenian hockey league (although I requested to be drafted by one in Canada), fares in this new world. Perhaps in this case MMORPG will stand for “Many Men Out Reclaiming Past Glories” as opposed to “Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game”.

If you give this a try, or were an alpha tester, tell us what you think. Likewise, if you’ve kicked the tires on their other games - CyberSlam and CyberSoccer - fill us in. Click here to join the fun. I think these crazy kids just might have a great idea on their hands.

I have an expression of sadness after hearing the news of player coach, and Charlestown Chief Legend, Reggie Dunlop’s passing. I found out yesterday while at a wedding in Vermont. (Congratulations Kyle and Jill. Thank you so much for having MOL and I.) Slap Shot is my all time favorite movie, as I’m sure it is for a lot of Goonblog readers.

I have often wondered where Reg played before Charlestown. I assume he probably played Junior in Canada, and I bet he played 5 or 6 years in the NHL before bouncing around the American Hockey League, and then hung around in the lower minors until he retired from hockey after 2 seasons in Minnesota. From there, I saw him going behind the bench where his unique “tactics” were a real shot in the arm for fledgling franchises.

The old mind fuck probably worked only so long though, and I think Reg probably bounced around a bit before he and old Francine retired to Florida. Like Reg says in the bar when the sale to Florida seems eminent, “Hey, we’re really gonna miss you guys.” Right back at you Reggie.

Mr. Excitement is the nick name of one of the guys on my team at work. We are aptly called, The Radiators, because we are bringing the heat! Mr. Excitement like a lot of things, chief among them, video games. Oh and eating contests. Now seems like a good time to mention, Mr. Excitement ate 18 donuts in an 8 hour work day. Doesn’t sound all that hard, but I assure you, it ain’t easy. Anyway, he’s been all over me about getting NHL ’09, caring not that I don’t have Xbox, or Playstation or whatever the hell systems you play these darn fool games on. After pestering me for days, I gave him the homework assignment of playing and reviewing NHL ’09 for the Goonblog readers that might play video games. In typical Radiator fashion, Mr. Excitement brought the heat. Nice works on this…now get back to work….

NHL 09 Review for Xbox 360

I’ve heard many people say that “Oh, sports games are stupid; it’s the same thing every year with just updated rosters.” These people have not tried NHL 09 yet. This game is simply amazing. What jumps to me about this game is the amount of depth this game has. There is your standard vs. play where you pick a team and play against another team. If this game just had this one feature, I’d still be happy with my purchase. Beyond the stellar graphics and true to life physics of the game, it’s just plain old FUN. The action is fast paced and there are tons of big hits in the game.

But the new addition to this years game is the “Be a Pro” mode. When you first start up the game you are prompted to create your player. Naturally I created myself to the best of my abilities, although I’ll admit that my created character is about 20 pounds lighter than my true self and twice as jacked. You are given the choice of your “player type” Your created character can be a playmaker, sniper, grinder, power forward, or a dangler. Or if you create a defensive player you have the option to be a offensive or defensive defender. Even your equipment is customizable; you can select the curve on your stick which affects how you shoot and the length of the blades on your skates which will affect your speed vs agility.

After spending oh, about an hour toying around with the create a player options, I decided to make myself be a sniper on the wing (because I am selfish and love to score goals). After everything was loaded up and ready to go, I decided to get together with some of my friends to test the new 6v6 online feature where everyone on the ice is controlled by another human, and yes, that includes the goalie.

At first we were unable to yield a full 6 to go on the ice because well, not all my friends are huge video game nerds. So we decided to join up on some random team with 15 dudes. Although I am not an advocate of making friends over Xbox Live, I felt this was necessary if I was going to get the full NHL online experience. So after playing a few games online, I’ve come to the realization of a few facts:

1. A lot of people are puck hogs
2. People are stupid.

The first fact shouldn’t be too shocking, I myself am guilty of it. Lots of times you’ll be streaking ahead of your teammate expecting a sweetly timed pass for you to crash to the net. What happens instead is that he holds the puck, while you drift offsides. The ensuing conversation usually happens a couple times a game:

“dude, fucking…stay on sides”
“fucking pass the puck you hog”
“fuck you”

Etc, etc, etc…

My 2nd realization is that yes, people are stupid. Don’t get me wrong, there are people who are out there who want to play a true game, with positioning and passing….and then sometimes you get into games where…..well hmm how do I describe this. It’s akin to 1st grade gym class soccer. The ball is kicked in one direction and you have about 15 kids running after it….you do run into those types of games here sometimes….you also get people who refuse to play any position other than offense….

“Yo let me play center”
“Nah, I’m playing center, be one of the defensemen or goalie”
“FUCK THAT, I’m quitting”

Needless to say, a lot of games starting with a full boat of players usually end with about…4-5 players total sticking around.

You occasionally run into absolute idiots that don’t even know the rules. Now myself, I have never played an organized game of hockey but I know enough of the basic rules to not make an ass of myself. What happened is that we were in a game, and we had a quick counter attack…as we passed the blue line ::Whistle:: Offsides…..WTF? Oh, there was a guy in the corner of the rink, blatantly offsides….No biggie, everyone makes mistakes, we play on. Not less than a minute later, we get another counter attack going. This same idiot is again blatantly offisides…my teammate, realizing this holds the puck in the neutral zone, waiting for the idiot to get onsides. But this guy just keeps….skating around, waiting for the pass. It got to the point where I was screamed into the mic, “GET THE FUCK ONSIDES.” This player soon realizes what he is doing, and then we play on……

Now onto the fighting system…The fighting in NHL09 is a fun little side game which you can basically do anytime. Basically you just press the slash button, and the whistle blows and theres this short cinematic scene where the two combatants circle each other while dropping their gloves. Basically there are three buttons: Grab, Punch, and Dodge. Fights, albeit fun are very short….you can usually knock (or be knocked out) in about 2-4 punches. In my “Be a pro” mode, I have already knocked out a few local AHL players, namely Olli Malmivaara of the Lowell Devils and Brad Staubitz of the Worcester Sharks…..twice!

Overall, playing this game can be summed up by this simple analogy: NHL 09 is a lot like sex…when it’s good, it’s fucking amazing. When it’s bad…well, it’s still pretty good.

I subscribe to the theory you never wear another man’s uniform, which is one reason why I don’t buy or wear team jerseys. One exception is my Syracuse Bulldogs sweater. Its part of a Halloween costume the year I went as Oglethorpe. I wore the jersey, and a giant afro wig. For about 15 minutes. Anyhow, having said that, the Carolina Hurricanes unveiled their third jersey today, and I gotta say its pretty fucking sweet. I might consider lifting my ban on wearing and buying another man’s uniform. I love the hockey stick flag pole, and how the emblem looks like its being blown by Hurricane force winds. Kudos to the all black deign too. Really sharp. Did you know the only other teams in the NHL to never have donned a third Jersey? New Jersey (obviously. That would be fun and God forbid Lou have any fun) and the Detroit Red Wings. It’s true. You can look it up. I think Boston was going to do another third this year. I saw a design of it on TV and it looked pretty snazzy too. Still, Carolina really captured the spirit of the thing here. Tell you guys what. Trevor Gillies makes the big club; I will get a third jersey with his number on it. I swear, I’m not mental.

MOL, George, and I went to Feng Shui for a very serious throw down, two Mai Tai’s and the division of Bruins tickets for the upcoming season. If you are in the Chelmsford area, I highly suggest stopping in. In fact, here is a quick ranking of my top 3 local Chinese restaurants.

1. Feng Shui. Chelmsford, MA. Try the General Gau’s shrimp, salt and pepper shrimp, and the house rice. Very strong Mai Tai. Nice buffet on weekends
2. Bamboo. Westford, MA. Johnny is the heat! Strong Mai Tai. Excellent shrimp tempura, salt and pepper pork, and lo mein. Excellent buffet as well.
3. Makaha Acton, MA. Excellent Pu Pu. Mai Tai strong enough to run your car on. Excellent Juke Box. If you’re looking for a dark place to get a Pu Pu and get loaded…this is it. No real redeeming qualities other than they let me drink in there when I was 16.

In keeping with the Public Service spirit, I thought it appropriate to let you know the games in which I have drawn. Reason being, if you are a faithful Goonblog reader, you might want to stop by and say hi, or if you are a faithful Goonblog reader you know what happens at these games when I go, so you might want to avoid being in the City of Boston all together. Should be a great season, and I am getting more pumped by the day. I can almost hear the roar of the Zamboni, OK, the propane whine, of the Zamboni!

I have 9 games on my own. I’ll probably need a date for 8 of them. MOL will go to opening night, and that’s about it for her. Maybe I’ll run a contest. Go to a Bruins game with a guy that is trying to disprove Dean Wormer’s fat, drunk, and stupid theory…..that’ll be cool.

George has 10 solo games. We were very surprised how easily the schedule was divided. It just kind of fell into place easily. No arguments at all. Sort of the opposite of MOL and me.

We will both be in the house for 20 games, and are giving away 2 games that neither one of us can attend. It looks like January is going to be a busy month of hockey for me. Between the Bruins, and the Lowell Devils, I will be at 15 hockey games. That’s a lot of hockey. This is going to be great. Breakdown is below.

My solo games in BOLD in case you want to enter my Fat Drunk and Stupid contest.

Oct. 20th. Opening night. Penguins. Probably MOL’s only appearance of the season. Come see her in all her glory.

Oct. 23rd. Maple Leafs. George wasn’t too happy about this one. He saw every Leafs Bruins tilt last year, and admitted the 10-1 or 10 something loss the Bruins took at the hands of Toronto was the only time he’s ever left a game early. Can’t blame him. I was there too, and I left early.

Nov. 1. Stars. Sean Avery is a shit disturber, and I love it.

Nov. 6th. Leafs. George couldn’t take it (seeing the Leafs again), so I took one for the team here.

Nov. 13th. Canadiens. Now way either one of us was missing the Habs, or Georges Laraque’s debut in the Garden as a Canadien. This one will be electric.

Nov. 28th. Islanders. I love the annual day after Thanksgiving game. Kinger and I had a blast two years ago. MOL might actually want to come to this one.

Dec. 8th. Lightning. I am interested in seeing Steve Stamkos.

Dec. 18th. Maple Leafs. See what I mean? George hates the Leafs.

Dec. 20th. Hurricanes. I am happy Tom Rowe has a job in the NHL. There are still a few faces left on this roster from the old Lockmoster days.

Jan. 1st. Penguins. MOL and I were going to Chicago, but decided a trip to Florida for a couple of Bruins games was probably a better idea. I can’t think of a better way to ring in the New Year than by watching the Bruins and Penguins slug it out. The last time I went to a game on New Year’s Day was against Philadelphia a few years ago. Dave, MOL and I went, and I assure you. It did not end well.

Jan. 3rd. Sabres. Not sure why I agreed to go to this game. I have an unexplained and unnatural hatred of the Buffalo Sabres. Not sure why.

Jan. 6th. Wild. Boogieman. That’s the reason I’m here.

Jan. 8th. Senators. This is going to be an interesting club this season. Eager to see how they react after all that has happened to them over the last season. Jason Spezza, when he wants to be, is a God.

Jan. 10th. Hurricanes. Love the Matinee.

Jan. 13th. Canadiens. Hopefully the bad blood is really boiling by now.

Jan. 27th. Capitals. If you have never seen Alex Ovechkin live, I highly suggest doing so. You can’t take your eyes off of him.

Jan. 31st. Rangers. Original Six matinee. Doesn’t get any better than that.

Feb. 10th. Sharks. Joe’s second trip as a Shark. His first one was short lived, but a great performance. If you remember, he got kicked out very early for “boarding” Hal Gill. Questionable call at best. I just don’t like Gill, so I was cheering wildly. Pretty sure the people in my section didn’t like it.

Feb. 24th. Panthers. What else is there to do on a Tuesday in February?

Feb. 26th. Ducks. George Parros and his awesome Porn ‘stache in the house. Can’t miss it.

Feb. 28th. Capitals. A matinee and the Caps?! I can’t lose!

Mar. 3rd. Flyers. Shawn Thornton and Riley Cote. I am looking forward to these guys having a go.

Mar. 5th. Coyotes. Probably my most anticipated game of the year. Todd Fedoruk, Brian McGratton, and Daniel Carcillo all on the same club? This could be my Center Ice West Coast team of the season.

Mar. 14th. Islanders. Nothing better to do.

Mar. 19th. Kings. This should be another interesting team. Revolving door in goal. Some decent talent in Dan Boyle, and Teddy Purcell possibly coming in. Very young on defense. Really could go either way.

Mar. 31st. Lightning. Barry Melrose will field a scrappy team. No doubt.

Apr. 2nd. Senators. We’ll know by this point if the Senators have put all their troubles behind them.

Apr. 4th. Rangers. Original Six matinee. Can’t miss it.

Apr. 14th. Canadiens. Great way to end the regular season.

So, there it is. I am really looking forward to this year. It should be awesome. I may need a good divorce lawyer after as that is a lot of hockey. I think MOL understands the psychosis by now though. Let’s get it on.

One of my customers called me today and left the following voicemail: “Come on. Drop the fucking puck already!” Amen brother. Amen. Feeling lazy, so I’m letting YouTube do the work. Enjoy.

Ken Tasker vs. Trevor Senn. If you haven’t seen this fight, well, you’ve just never looked for fights on YouTube. A real slug fest and one of my all time favorites.

Next we have probably my favorite fight of all time, Darcy Hordichuk vs. “Mad” Mel Angelstad. I love the announcer in this legendary IHL tilt. One week until the Canada trip. The Ref and I are gonna have big fun! Enjoy boys!

Dangerous combo here boys. It’s a thousand. MOL is off at the Germ Factory leaving me unsupervised with at least a dozen of the “Workingman’s Brew” in the fridge. I just booked my ticket to hang with Dave at the beginning of August (we PROMISE a Podcast) and the NHL schedule came out today. You guys think I’m in a good mood? Hold on….

Walking down hall…..

Turning left into kitchen….

Opening fridge…..

They call me the Working Man……open, and sip……..AHHHHHHHH

Much better! Now then, here are some highlights of the Bruins Schedule. Before that, a tribute to my trip to the Great White North!

October 9th at Colorado. It’s back, its back, thank God it’s back! Boston opens their season on the road, per usual. Stupid circus.

October 15th at Montreal. The Habs open their 100th season in style against their hated rivals. Goosebumps thinking about it.

October 20th vs. Penguins. My first game as a season ticket holder. MOL is my usual date for opening night, so they may not see me in full plumage until…..

October 23rd vs. Toronto. Yup. Could be my last game as a season ticket holder.

November 13th vs. Montreal. First game for the Habs in Boston. Hopefully bad blood from October is still fresh.

November 28th vs. Islanders. Love the day after Thanksgiving game. Two years ago Kinger and I went, got wasted, and came home with a Hanson Brothers picture I bought for $150.00. Good times.

December 8th vs. Tampa Bay. I think these guys are going to be scrappy as hell under Barry Melrose. I’m also excited to see Steven Stamkos for the first time.

January 1st. Chicago vs. Detroit. I really want to go to Wrigley for this! If not, I guess I’ll watch on TV before going to the Bruins and Penguins.

January 19th vs. St. Louis. Hopefully Cam Janssen goes nuts.

February 7th vs. Flyers. I hate them.

March 7th vs. Blackhawks. Annual game I take my brother to against my other favorite Original Six Team?! I love it.

April 9th vs. Montreal. Hopefully there is some real bad blood here going into the playoffs!

Does anyone know how to build a time machine? I swear I won’t mess anything up. I won’t kill Hill Valley, I swear. We’re just going ahead a few months…no big whoop…..

I’m sitting at my desk today around three, and I’m thinking I need some food. What to do? What to do? I’m trying to not be on the see food diet anymore, so I have a choice of pistachios, apricots, or some grapes. Grapes involve standing up, so that’s right out. Now it’s down to pistachios or apricots, when it hits me. I need a Tsongas Arena burger. As soon as I thought it, I could smell it, and taste it. Visually I could see the ketchup oozing out the side. A quick look to my calendar confirmed it, its mid July. DAMMIT! What makes this “fantasy” even stranger is that the “Paul” has the worst rink food ever. Seriously, one thing the Lowell Devils are lacking, other than fans in general, is good food. The burgers are the most edible thing. Taz will attest to this. Think high school hamburger. Kind of grayish, not really hot all the way through…oh man, I’m getting aroused here again. It makes me think of hockey season all over again. Stupid baseball.

Speaking of hockey, I am pumped Montreal signed Georges Laraque, and Ryan Flinn. Man, if ever there was a reason to keep the current schedule format, this is it. When was the last time the Boston/Montreal rivalry featured two legitimate heavyweights? 90’s? Has to be right? This “rivalry” is more watered down than the cocktails MOL makes me when I’ve had one too many. These two guys will bring some big time toughness to the Habs roster, and I hope Milan Lucic, and Shawn Thornton is ready for them. I would hazard to guess Flinner will be down in Hamilton, but the brass will be glad he’s only a phone call away.

Part of the reason I was watching the Penguins over the last year and a half (OK, a big part) was to watch Georges Laraque. I was at the game this season when he “fought” Zdeno Chara twice. While both fights sucked (they actually were assessed only 1 fighting majors each for two dust ups. I know. Laughable) it was great to see him ask Jeremy Reich to go, and get turned down no fewer than 5 times. Lucic wanted no part of him either, and come to think of it, neither did Thornton. Maybe seeing the Habs 87 times in the regular season will fan some distaste for each other. Here’s hoping they have a nice 400 PIM game while I eat a crappy Garden dog in my Hungry for Hockey seats eh?