I’m sore. And old. And chubby. Your old pal Chris laced em up last night for the first time in three years. It was a mind altering, painful experience. You know it’s a bad sign when you are sweating profusely lacing up your skates. I thought for sure I was going to die at least three times, and I almost puked another four times. It was so bad. My mind would tell me something. But my legs just couldn’t do it. Being booze free is really hurting me right now. If I were still drinking, I could numb the pain in my back with a few Miller Lite’s, but I guess I’ll have to rely on stupid Advil. Anyway, I thank the Nomads for having me, and with the exception of the awful clearing attempt up the middle that lead to a goal, I think I did OK for a fat kid that hadn’t been on ice for a while. MOL was hilarious after. She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Hun! You NEVER clear it up the middle! You put it right on the other guys stick. What were you thinking?!” She’s worse than Scotty Bowman. I will update you on the Nomads as the season progresses. Final line:

TOI Blocked Shots SOG +/-
10:00 2 2 -3

How bout them Penguins eh? My word did they look good yesterday. I think if they can keep the Mo up, they should be hoisting the Cup com June. Right now they are really firing on all cylinders and look unstoppable on home ice. I’m not sure Detroit can play the type of game they have to play to stop the Pens. Detroit is a finesse puck possession team, and I think you need to play a bit of crash and bang to beat the Penguins. Dallas is a bit better matched, but I don’t see them getting by the Wings. By the way, I said crash and bang. Would that be a good name for a band? Yet I digress, whoever moves on they need to play physical and try to take the Penguins off the puck. Good luck.

From my seat in the stand Goons, there is no one stopping the Detroit Red Wings. They dismantled Dallas last night. I don’t know if the Stars are tired from the 4OT game, or if the “Detroit Curse” is in Marty Turco’s head or what, but they looked out played, hustled, and any other adjective you can think of last night. The Wings look like they have all the answers boys.

Speaking of answers. Does anyone know of any player that has played for all 6 Original Six teams? I was watching Chris Chelios last night, and the question came to me. He started with Montreal, though not in 1917, then Chicago, and now Detroit. I am not sure if anyone has ever done it. If I had to guess? I’d say no.

Tonight’s game should be the beginning of a great series. It is also the last night I am unsupervised, so the cleanup of the Army men has begun. I thought this was a pick em series before, but with Philly being short their best defenseman, Kimmo Timonen, and having an inability to find someone to take his ice time; I like the Penguins more and more. Enjoy the games boys and girls.

I have gotten a few e-mails and comments about my health and well being since my last post. Maybe it was the admitting I was playing with Army guys, or the truth coming out about me writing in my Little Bo Peep outfit. Either way, I am alive and doing….well, I’m alive. Word to the wise. Do not go in the basement. Ever. I appreciate all of the concern.

Killer inquired how I was after the 4 OT thriller in Dallas the other night. I am here to say, that was a heck of a hockey game. I did not stay up for the whole thing though. I watched all of regulation, and it had the feel of a game that was going to last forever. Wisely, at the end of regulation I packed it in. I wasn’t all that surprised to see it had gone to 4 extra sessions though. Neither side was giving an inch, and Marty Turco was playing superbly. Congratulations to Dallas. I’m looking forward to watching their series starting Thursday. Something about these guys tells me they are going to give Detroit all they can handle.

Personally, I think both series are going to be dy-no-mite! In the East, the finalists HATE each other, and in the West, both teams are playing some great hockey. What’s even better news is this story I found on ESPN.com today. Not since old Batman and Robin has there been a duo more dynamic than Barry Melrose and Don Cherry. Both wear loud suits, love the same style of game, and like the spotlight. Getting Grapes is huge for the NHL, ESPN, and the game of hockey. I am looking forward to these guys every night on ESPN. So, Once again, I am alive. Don’t go in the basement, and enjoy the hockey this week boys!

In my first prediction, well, wish for blood. There was none. There was a little pushing and shoving. As Doc would say, there was a snarl. But no blood. Fighting in the playoffs doesn’t happen a lot anymore. The Habs and Flyers pushed and shoved a little, and eventually the game ended without a fight. That series is now over with the Flyers beating the hated Canadiens last night. They awaited their fate today, and found out in exciting fashion, it would be the hated in state rival Pittsburgh Penguins that stood between them and a trip to the Cup Finals. I have to say, I’m as giddy as a little girl thinking about this series. Or maybe it’s because I am typing this dressed as Little Bo Peep. Either way.

I do not need to tell the hockey fans out there how much these two teams hate each other. Really, it needs no words. They are like cats and dogs. They just do not get along. One of the best games I saw all year was a penalty filled affair on Versus that featured the worst acting job since Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls. Georges Laraque “lost an edge” and did the worst “oops I fell over into the goalie” routine EVER at the end of the game. They kicked him out for it, probably so there could be no more fights. Truly a great sight. This kind of thing is always bubbling right below the surface when these two teams collide, and I for one will be glued to my television.

I guess I will have to make a new prediction for a cup winner since Montreal lost out last night. I am very excited by that by the by. Fuck them, and Carey Price’s new stupid glove. Their game went to hell in a hand basket, and Price was the reason why. Like I said before, for a guy that is supposed to be unflappable, he looked totally flapped. Pretty sure I made up a word there, but you get the picture. Lapses in judgment, and a weak glove hand from the 20 year old was Montreal’s undoing. In time, this kid is going to be something else, but I think he’s gonna need a few more seasons before anointing him the next Pat Roy up in Montreal. So that leaves Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Detroit, and either San Jose, or Dallas. I think Dallas ends it tonight, and I get to watch because I am totally unsupervised for the next week….hence the Little Bo Peep outfit. MOL is in Texas visiting her mother, and I am left to my own devices. Killer, I will need a wellness check every other day please. She showed me how to use the stove before she left, so I should be OK for food. Mostly I’ve been using it to slightly melt my green Army guys that have run afoul of the flame thrower guy. What? I am a 33 year old man; I haven’t been playing war in my living room since my wife left. That’s what crazy people do. Where was I? Oh yeah. I think it’ll be Dallas and Detroit with the winner being Detroit, and I am up in the air about the Battle of Pennsylvania.

Philadelphia is getting timely scoring from RJ Umberger, and superb goaltending from Martin Biron. Pittsburgh has so many weapons they can hurt you with it’s hard to pick how they get it done. Crosby has been good, not great in the second series, while Geno Malkin has been superb. Jordan Staal found his game in the back of his closet, and Fluery has made saves when they need it. If the series gets rough, I like the Pens in it. Laraque is a presence, and Jarkko Ruutu is an Uber pest. I think it’ll be a tight, rough and tumble affair with Pittsburgh winning in seven. In the final, I just don’t see anyone stopping Detroit right now. They look like they are firing on all cylinders, and I think it will be them raising Lord Stanley’s Cup next month. Either way, I think the Eastern Conference Finals will be the kind of series us Goonblog fans love. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think the Northern Army is trying to advance on the couch, and they must be stopped.