Where the hell have you been? Funny you should ask, GoonBlog Fans. For you loyal followers, it’s been a while since my last post and I’m sure all of you have been worried sick. I’m here to tell you that I am alive and well… kinda. The government did not appreciate my import and export business and controlled me for some time. Upon letting me out I had a few guidelines I needed to follow. I wish I had written those down because they came looking for me again.
As I type this post, I am at the tail end of a battling a horrific stomach bug. I’ve been wagnoring the toilet bowl since Monday. The Million Dollar Babies think it’s great – as every time I sit down it sounds like a combination of a fire hose and the USC Marching band coming out of my ass. I’ve had food poisoning before and based on this past week, I would prefer that as it’s pretty much over within 2-3 days, this is now going on 7. MBH said look at the bright side – you dropped the 10 pounds you were talking about. Little does she know as soon as I drop my first log, I am off to eat buffalo chicken pizza until fire shoots out of my crusty bung nostril.
So I recently had my High School’s 20th reunion… what a shit show that was. The Government was kind enough to allow me to attend however I needed to wear a giant fucking GPS device around my ankle. It’s hard enough at those types of events to give the reader’s digest report about your life to people you haven’t seen in 10+ years, let alone explain why your ankle looks like you’ve been blocking Zdeno Chara slap shots for a living. Some highlights of the evening included; 6 boob jobs, 2 nose jobs, a giant scar removed from ones face, 7 divorces, hot girls from HS now looking like Bruce Shoebottom and fat girls from HS looking like Tiger would give em a go.
Speaking of Tiger, holy shit guy, you are one stupid Blasian. He has provided millions of people a perfect map of how to get busted stepping out on the Missus. I will say when I first heard about his car crash at 2:30 in the morning, I knew there must be more to the story. I had no idea it would blow up like it has. How many Pro Athletes wife’s spent Thanksgiving weekend going through their husband’s cell phones? I had a shitty 2009 but I take solace in knowing someone else had one which was far worse!
Chris, what can I say? You have been writing your ass off and providing our readers with high quality material. The Ref has been quietly contributing great posts as well and it’s only going to get better. As you can see today on the site, we have enhanced things similar to some of my lady friends from HS. I’d say it would be like going from a small B cup to a solid full C. Our commitment to provide our readers with high end Goonery is at an all time high. If you like our stuff, please pass it along. Thanks for reading and come back soon.
welcome back Killer and too pull a shoebottom reference is god damned classic, nice work. Do you think Shoe gave them the nose jobs
Killah! Thou hast returned to the fray, kid. Welcome back.