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Hockey fight blog with humorous, blow-by-blow commentary on goons, enforcers and donnybrooks

Hockey fight blog with humorous, blow-by-blow commentary on goons, enforcers and donnybrooks.

Detroit Red Wings

Whoop-de Friggin Do. Penguins Win.


in 2009 Playoffs, Chris, Detroit Red Wings, GoonSquad, Hal Gill, Pittsburgh Penguins

For me, the hockey season ended a month or so ago when the Bruins were defeated. For the rest of the hockey world, it ended Friday night when Pittsburgh beat Detroit in a very exciting game 7. Much like the rest of the hockey world, I had counted the Penguins out after they went down 2-0 to Detroit, but they showed the heart of a champion, rallied around a cause, and got it done Friday night. I guess I am happy for them, I mean it’s better than Detroit winning, but my mood can best be described as apathetic.

I had made a decision not to watch the finals after games 1 and 2 because every time I tuned in, Detroit started beating Pittsburgh like a rented goalie. That coupled with the fact that there was a possibility Hal Gill could be raising the holiest of Holy Grails, and I would rather mow the lawn, or play with Milan and Killer than watch hockey anymore. The match up didn’t interest me, as I couldn’t shake the feeling that Boston should have been there.

So, I didn’t watch much of the finals, but I did watch a very exciting game 7. Max Talbot’s second tally was a beauty. Sure the only way Osgood could have been more out of position was if he fell down, but Talbot still picked the top corner. Oh, and did anyone notice the holding penalty Gill took? Vintage Gill. I think it’s from page 2 of the Play Like Gill handbook. You know it well Boston fans. Go to corner after opponent. Realize you are flat footed and about to get burned. Pin guy against boards, and pray referee isn’t looking. Skate to box with stupid look on face when referee is in fact looking right at you, and knows the penalty is coming because he’s seen you play before. I can save NHL refs a lot of time. If there is a man in the corner with a puck, and Gill is on the ice, just blow the whistle. Even if he doesn’t actually hold anyone. It’s only a matter of time. Call it, intent to hold. MA Fleury made up for game 5 in a huge way there with about a tick and a half as well robbing Nicky Lidstrom from depositing what would have been the tying goal into a yawning net. What a save.

Congratulations to the Penguins. They battled adversity all year, and it paid off. Now we have to sit through a long stupid summer in which I might actually have to watch baseball. Shudder the thought. Is it September yet?

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Back Home Again, From Indiana


in 2009 Playoffs, Carolina Hurricanes, Chicago Blackhawks, Chris, Detroit Red Wings, GoonSquad, Pittsburgh Penguins, The Hammer

Congratulations to the winner of the 93rd Indianapolis 500, not the IRS, but Helio Castroneves! This year’s race featured a one beer race day by The Hammer, the greatest pooping in the infield at the 500 story EVER, one of the wildest crashes I have ever seen, and much more silliness that make Memorial Day in Indianapolis so special every year. I am already looking forward to the 94th running next year. Thanks again Steve. You made a grave error in judgment inviting Hammer in 1988, but if you keep having us, we’ll keep coming!

So in between the poop stories (POW! Out go the lights!) and the mega tenderloin sandwich I got race day, we did what we always do at Indy. We watched hockey. Hands up for who thought I was going to say drink. Anyway, there we are at the end of the Hurricanes loss to the Penguins the other night, when Ryan Closet Tough Guy Bayda sets off a fight late in the game. It all starts with a high elbow and a cross check to the head of the Penguins’ Kris Letang. Bayda received a match penalty, and a $2500.00 fine.

There was a car load of guys next to us on the way into the race on Sunday that may or may not have had a few in them. We were stopped at a light waiting our turn to go, which is kind of the norm when 300,000 people are trying to get to the same spot, at the same time. These nitwits decide to start saying, This is bullshit loud enough so Indy’s finest could hear them at least 30 times. It was pretty funny because they had an accent that made them sound dumb as dirt anyway, and them saying, Man, this is bullshit over and over did not help them in the IQ department. You had to be there, but trust me, they were dumb. So dumb in fact, they got the bright idea to honk at the cop directing traffic! Yes. That dumb. The beep was met with the cop spinning around and giving them a glare that could have burned the whole car up, and he stared them down as he walked over there to make sure they knew he knew they had honked, and were indeed, the dumbest people on earth.

Why am I telling you this? Because I think it may have been Colin Campbell and Gary Bettman in the car. Had to have been right? I mean, how does another player in the playoffs get assessed a MATCH PENALTY FOR A HIT TO THE HEAD, and NOT get suspended? I was teetering on my trust in player safety being a priority for the NHL before, but now, I have no faith in what the league has to say. The league had another chance to send a message the other night, and again with the hit on Marty Havlat (debatable if it was legal. Looked like Kronwall left his feet, and Havlat didn’t have the puck when he was hit, or ever actually have possession of the puck. Having said that, keep your head up) but once again passed on handing out a suspension for a hit to the head because they were too busy sitting in traffic telling Indy Metro PD their traffic directing was less than par. If I am off base on this, please, let me know, but I got to be honest. I am thinking this is bullshit.

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Hello. I love you. Can I Borrow your Snowmobile?


in Brendan Witt, Chris, Dave, Detroit Red Wings, Goons, GoonSquad, Milan Lucic, New York Islanders, Shane Hnidy, The Hammer, Tim Jackman

Remember when I said I was waiting to get pictures of the Detroit game before I posted on the Thanksgiving weekend at the Garden? Well, you can forget I said anything. The pictures are really shitty, and I deleted them, so you’ll have to go without. Seems to me the new catch phrase is in this economy. As in in this economy we have to learn to live without pictures of a hockey game. See what I did? In this economy has replaced the Big Dig for Bostonians as the excuse du jour. Used to be, why did the Pats lose? Big Dig. Now, in this economy. Get it? I should hope so. Mr. Obama will fix everything thoughfear notDave, I’m moving in.

So, Friday morning I arrived at the Hammer’s mother’s place to find the family in various stages of hungover. Hammer being the leader can best be described as looking like Casper the Friendly Ghost on a particularly pale day. I mean, to say he was white is a bit like saying we like fights. A gross understatement to be sure. After getting a bit of a visit in, and some coffee down, we decided it was time to head to the Garden for the game. Hammer however, had to hurl first. With the hurling out of the way, we were off. It was me, Hammer, Mrs. Hammer and John David on our way to meet Dave and the lovely Alize at the Grand Canal at 10:30.

The slight problem in our plan The Grand Canal doesn’t open until 11, and Dave is perpetually late. As such, 10:30 at the GC turned into 11:15 at the Fours. Not really a big whoop, as Hammer could only get a few sips into his beer before he had to go for air. I was thinking there was no way he was going to make it. Once Dave and Alize showed up, everyone had another round, and we headed over to the game. Obviously, Hammer had to exit slightly before us and was standing out front jacket in hand, sweating like Patrick Ewing trying to read his contract. I guess he got a little on the Pats jacket.

Once in the game, JD and I headed for the balcony, and the Hungry for Hockey section, while the other 4 headed to the lodge. JD and I enjoyed a couple dogs, some nachos, and a spirited discussion on how much Andy Hilbert looks like Booger from Revenge of the Nerds. Good times indeed.

The game was excellent. It started poorly as the Bruins got down early 1-0. It was a good thing the new uniforms are so nice, because there play was looking ugly early. After kicking off the early morning cobwebs, they got to work and handled the Islanders 7-2. The game featured two decent fights, with Milan Lucic squaring off with Brendan Witt after Dennis Riverboat Gambler Wideman scored in the third. I am a little surprised Lucic didn’t get the Instigator on this. Looks to me like he started it after the whistle, but maybe they let it slide because of the cross check exchange the two were having in front of the net? Either way, I score it a win for Milan.

Bout 2 of the day featured Tim Jackman of the Islanders, and Boston’s Sheriff Shane Hnidy. It started after the play and was right below JD and I. Hnidy gets a very clear early advantage landing a few good right hands, but I feel the rest of the fight was all Tim Jackman. He landed some really hard rights, and cut Hnidy. I score it a win Jackman. Very entertaining fight. Kudos to both men for trying to get the boys going.

After the game ended we agreed to meet back up at the Fours. Apparently every fan in the building, and a couple of people that were not at the game, but at the bar, decided it was the right time to go to the Fours. Holy sardines. Off to the Grand Canal with the lot of us. It was a lot less crowded further down Canal St..hey I just got that. Grand Canal is on Canal StreetI am an idiot. Anyhow, I was impressed with Hammer’s rally. The man was positively a different person. There was color in his face. He could talk without looking like he was going to hurl. It was like witnessing a miracle. The rest of the evening featured a few beers and Dave explaining to the rest of us whilst giving Alize a wedgie, that in Canada giving someone a wedgie meant, Hello, I love you. Can I borrow your snowmobile? Easily the funniest moment of the day, and if it hadn’t of been for Hammer’s remarkable comeback, it would have earned Dave MVP honors. That nod goes to the artist formerly known as Casper. Well played Hammer. You should be proud.

As a footnote to the weekend, I was back in the Garden Saturday evening for the dismantling of the defending Stanley Cup Champion, Detroit Red Wings. George and I were seated in the Sports deck behind the Bruins goal they defend twice. If I may suggest getting your hands on some seats up there? What a good take. The view is really good of the game, plus you get a buffet, as well as a bar right behind you! Excellent times. Plus the Bruins killed Detroit and the guy next to us was a Wings fan. What a baby. He was all bent out of shape, and being a whiner. I am glad they lost. Anyway, hope everyone had a great holiday. MOL had dinner with mother, and it was lovely. Other than that, a little hockey and some relaxing. Excellent times eh?

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Hi, I’m Kevin


in AHL, Chris, Detroit Red Wings, GoonSquad, Jeff Szwez, Kevin Westgarth, Manchester Monarchs, Philadelphia Phantoms, The Hammer

I am waiting on a couple of pictures to be e-mailed to me from last night’s Bruins game against the Red Wings. Once I get those you will get a full review of the weekend’s games at the TD Banknorth Garden. Quick preview: There were wedgies, and snowmobile talk. Plus Hammer booting. Twice. Good times.

Until then, please enjoy this video Tweener sent to me. I must once again thank him for finding gems like this almost everyday and passing it on. What you are about to see is a beauty TKO from Manchester’s Kevin Westgarth on Philadelphia’s Jeff Szwez. As you can see, Szwez is out when Westy tags him hard with the left, but he gets in another hard right for good measure. Kudos to Szwez for getting right back up though. I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving. Stayed tuned for the weekend wrap up, and as always stay goony!

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Getting the Starter Set


in Carolina Hurricanes, Chris, Detroit Red Wings, Goons, GoonSquad, New Jersey Devils, Trevor Gillies

I subscribe to the theory you never wear another man’s uniform, which is one reason why I don’t buy or wear team jerseys. One exception is my Syracuse Bulldogs sweater. Its part of a Halloween costume the year I went as Oglethorpe. I wore the jersey, and a giant afro wig. For about 15 minutes. Anyhow, having said that, the Carolina Hurricanes unveiled their third jersey today, and I gotta say its pretty fucking sweet. I might consider lifting my ban on wearing and buying another man’s uniform. I love the hockey stick flag pole, and how the emblem looks like its being blown by Hurricane force winds. Kudos to the all black deign too. Really sharp. Did you know the only other teams in the NHL to never have donned a third Jersey? New Jersey (obviously. That would be fun and God forbid Lou have any fun) and the Detroit Red Wings. It’s true. You can look it up. I think Boston was going to do another third this year. I saw a design of it on TV and it looked pretty snazzy too. Still, Carolina really captured the spirit of the thing here. Tell you guys what. Trevor Gillies makes the big club; I will get a third jersey with his number on it. I swear, I’m not mental.

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Take Off! To the Great White North!


in Barry Melrose, Cam Janssen, Chicago Blackhawks, Chris, Colorado Avalanche, Detroit Red Wings, Goons, GoonSquad, Montreal Canadiens, New York Islanders, Philadelphia Flyers, Pittsburgh Penguins, St. Louis Blues, Tampa Bay Lightning, Toronto Maple Leafs

Dangerous combo here boys. It’s a thousand. MOL is off at the Germ Factory leaving me unsupervised with at least a dozen of the Workingman’s Brew in the fridge. I just booked my ticket to hang with Dave at the beginning of August (we PROMISE a Podcast) and the NHL schedule came out today. You guys think I’m in a good mood? Hold on.

Walking down hall..

Turning left into kitchen.

Opening fridge..

They call me the Working Manopen, and sip..AHHHHHHHH

Much better! Now then, here are some highlights of the Bruins Schedule. Before that, a tribute to my trip to the Great White North!

October 9th at Colorado. It’s back, its back, thank God it’s back! Boston opens their season on the road, per usual. Stupid circus.

October 15th at Montreal. The Habs open their 100th season in style against their hated rivals. Goosebumps thinking about it.

October 20th vs. Penguins. My first game as a season ticket holder. MOL is my usual date for opening night, so they may not see me in full plumage until..

October 23rd vs. Toronto. Yup. Could be my last game as a season ticket holder.

November 13th vs. Montreal. First game for the Habs in Boston. Hopefully bad blood from October is still fresh.

November 28th vs. Islanders. Love the day after Thanksgiving game. Two years ago Kinger and I went, got wasted, and came home with a Hanson Brothers picture I bought for $150.00. Good times.

December 8th vs. Tampa Bay. I think these guys are going to be scrappy as hell under Barry Melrose. I’m also excited to see Steven Stamkos for the first time.

January 1st. Chicago vs. Detroit. I really want to go to Wrigley for this! If not, I guess I’ll watch on TV before going to the Bruins and Penguins.

January 19th vs. St. Louis. Hopefully Cam Janssen goes nuts.

February 7th vs. Flyers. I hate them.

March 7th vs. Blackhawks. Annual game I take my brother to against my other favorite Original Six Team?! I love it.

April 9th vs. Montreal. Hopefully there is some real bad blood here going into the playoffs!

Does anyone know how to build a time machine? I swear I won’t mess anything up. I won’t kill Hill Valley, I swear. We’re just going ahead a few monthsno big whoop..

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Stupid Summer


in AHL, 2008 Playoffs, Chicago Wolves, Chris, Detroit Red Wings, Goons, GoonSquad, Gordie Dwyer, Jon Mirasty, Lowell Devils, Milan Lucic, Pittsburgh Penguins, Shawn Thornton, Trevor Gillies, Wilkes/Barre Scranton Penguins

To quote John Winger: And then, depression set in. After Screwy and I are done drying our eyes, and the last team member has retired to the dressing room to drink from Lord Stanley that’s when it’s real. I am stuck with stupid baseball until September. Oh and the Celtics are in the finals, which is cool I guess, but I really can’t stand basketball. My Celtics fan friends all want me to pick the Lakers in six, because I had the Penguins in six, so they like the reverse jinx angle. So, there you go. I’m predicting the Lakers in six. They are playing the Lakers right? This really sucks. I am glad I have the NHL Network because the AHL finals are still going. It looks like Chicago is going to handle Wilkes/Barre easily though, and then it’ll all really be over. MOL is happy. I am not.

Overall, I think this hockey season was a good one. I didn’t’ write enough here, and that will change next season. I took a new job at work in October, and that on top of buying the house, figuring out how to be a husband, and my love of being in a gin mill, killed my productivity here. For next season I promise more running diaries of the games, and I recently bought a microphone, so I am going to try a Podcast. I think I am turning into a nerd. So, like I said, the season wasn’t bad. The beloved Bruins surprised me. Milan Lucic is my favorite player EVAH, and Shawn Thornton really had some great bouts in the second half of the season. YouTube continues to be a favorite spot. I love the Gillies/Mirasty tilts out there. It was nice to see Gordie Dwyer on American soil for a little bit. I am telling you, there aren’t many guys as engaging and friendly as him. I’d like the AHL to pay more because Lowell could sure use a guy that can skate and hit like him. Oh, and the Devils? They suck. Bad. Plus they are boring. They could use a guy like Dwyer to add some personality. So that’s it for 07-08. I’m really into birding these days (no kidding) so I’ve got my feeder to keep me occupied. I need some more, and a good bird book to help me identify what I am looking at. So far at my feeder I have seen a squirrel, and a chipmunk. Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal, and a bunch of brown birds. Oh, and the fattest Blue Jay since Frank Thomas! HI OH! Congratulations to the Red Wings have a great summer all. I wish it was September.

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Over!? Over!?


in 2008 Playoffs, Chris, Detroit Red Wings, GoonSquad, Pittsburgh Penguins

Imagine if you will, you are about to make love to a woman you’ve wanted your whole life. This is a woman so desirable you’ve had to fight off foe after foe to get with. It’s been a long process to be sure. As you’ve been trying to get her into bed, you’ve wined and dined her. Bought her a few drinks, asked her what she likes and dislike, really listened to what she had to say. As this was going on, several other men have tried to come and take this woman away from her, but your hard work, dedication, and persistence has really been paying off. After a few drinks and dinner you drive back to your place, and invite her in. Maybe you put on some soft music, pour yourselves a little night cap. You sit on the couch, and maybe you start with a little kiss. Then it proceeds from there, and you wind up in the bedroom. Remember, this is a woman you’ve wanted your whole life! Holy shit! This is ABOUT TO HAPPEN! Just as you guys get all your clothes off, and the heavy petting ends, and the final hurdle is about to fall, she passes out cold on you. You try to wake her up, but it’s no use. For almost three hours you try, but to no avail. Finally the door swings open, and it’s her husband. Guess what? He’s not exactly pleased with you, and doesn’t really mind doing a little time. They say things go black as the bullet hits the front of your skull. I am wondering if that’s how the Detroit Red Wings and their fans feel right now.

24 seconds. They were 24 seconds away from winning it all. I was so sure they were winning I had cleaned up the table, and had the remote in my hand when Max Talbot scored to tie the game at 3. I could not believe my eyes. Then the first OT came and went, and that was a furious a pace I have ever seen. Someone needs to get Mr. Fleury laid when this is all said and done because he saw more rubber than a Goodyear plant last night. After the second OT, I had to call it quits. It was 12:30, and I am neither from Detroit nor Pittsburgh. Plus, I have a job. I was amazed to see Petr Sykora scored the game winner because he tapped on the glass between the benches where NBC had Pierre Maguire reporting from, and told him he was getting the game winner. Apparently he also told the boys in the room he was getting it as well. Talk about calling your shot eh? Anyway, I like the Penguins to win the Cup. What a confidence boost this will be. I like them coming home for some home cooking, with zero pressure and playing loose. I see a big win for them tomorrow, and then they win the Cup on Detroit’s ice 3-2 in a nail biter. 24 secondsI can’t believe it.

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Nomads? Not Good.


in AHL, 2008 Playoffs, Chicago Wolves, Chris, Detroit Red Wings, GoonSquad, Nomads, Pittsburgh Penguins, Wilkes/Barre Scranton Penguins

After the second game of my illustrious return from lying on the couch quietly watching TV, I feel slightly better. My whole life didn’t flash before my eyes this time out, and I really only thought I was seriously going to puke twice. So, to recap. The first time I thought for sure I was going to die, and wished I had while the puke-o-meter was 4. I didn’t really want to die, or feel like I was going to and the puke-o-meter was a 2. Not bad. As an aside, we got throttled 9-2, and I really suck.

Speaking of sucking, I am pretty sure things are going to be sucking for Penguins Nation in about 27 hours. Last night the Penguins had chance after chance after chance, and just could not beat the high flying Red Wings. I look for a 5-2 Wings victory tomorrow night to clinch the cup.

The news is no better on the farm, as Wilkes-Barre went down 2 love to Chicago in the American League finals this afternoon. These two teams really do not care for each other, and there was even a fight when I was watching. I had to leave for my game, but I am really psyched I talked MOL out of canceling the NHL Network from our cable line up, as they are showing the Calder Cup finals. Get it all in while you can boys, as we are in the final days of the 2007-2008 hockey season. If I still drank, I would.

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Back Home Again, From Indiana


in 2008 Playoffs, Chris, Detroit Red Wings, Goons, GoonSquad, Hal Gill, Nomads, Pittsburgh Penguins, The Hammer

I am back in one piece from Indiana, and the 92nd running of the greatest spectacle in racing. Good times were had by all. I actually took pictures this year. If I could figure out how to post them I would, but I really have no clue, so here’s a mental picture. Picture a shit load of people, 33 really fast cars, and some woman in a short pink skirt next to a sign advertising 50 cent beer, and no cover. That’s Indy ‘08 yo.

Some quick notes:
I saw Jim Nabors in the airport on Thursday. He looked embalmed.
Mike and Mike from ESPN radio were leaving St. Elmo’s as we were waiting to be seated. 3 Celebrities in one Indy weekend. Wow.
There are a shitload of Red Wings fans in Indiana.
Boston needs a Bub’s Burger, and a Buffalo Wild Wings STAT.

The weekend was really superb. It was kind of nice to wake up race morning knowing exactly where I was, and not having to worry about if the smell in the room was my booze breath or a transient I had to off because the voices and the booze told me to. I did have 4 beers at the race, but normally I have 4 beers on the way to the race, and another 4 on the 200 yard walk in. Very good times indeed. Plus, I won the pool this year!

Well, on to hockey. The Penguins looked soundly out played in Detroit, but Wednesday looked more like the team we’ve seen all spring. I think it’s headed back to Detroit 2-2, and I like the Penguins in 7. If and when Malkin catches fire, they will be deadly for sure. Wednesday was how you need to play the Wings. Aggressive, and like you have the lead. All night long. I loved the rough stuff the other night, and Hal Gill proved once again why he’s the worst player in the NHL. It’s really going to piss me right off when he gets a ring. Oh, and Goonblog would like to extend our deepest sympathies to Luc Bourdon’s family, friends, and teammates. What a tragedy. He could have been great. Off to Connecticut tomorrow, then back for the game Saturday. The Nomads face off against some team Sunday at 5:45. If I manage to not expire on the ice, catch the full recap here. Go Pens!

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